


Walking on Wires and Power Lines

by NegativeBlue



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Modern AU, divorced lesbian mommies trope, no magic, though without them actually being divorced yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-18 00:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4685918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativeBlue/pseuds/NegativeBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After leaving Storybrooke a year ago, Emma returns to attend her parents’ renewal of vows. But even with all the time that has passed, she still finds herself being conflicted about the woman she left behind. The woman she married. The woman who broke her heart and caused her to leave town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PinkRabbitPro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkRabbitPro/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fanart: Cover & Illo for Walking on Wires and Power Lines](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669526) by [PinkRabbitPro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkRabbitPro/pseuds/PinkRabbitPro). 



> First of all, all my thanks to my beta Antti. More thanks to PinkRabbitPro for her gorgeous and inspiring fanart, which helped me paint a crucial scene in the story.
> 
> For the story itself, since this is a modern AU, David and Mary Margaret are older in this fic. Emma is younger than she is on the show, and Henry was adopted by Regina when he was 6 (but he's not Emma's biological son) This was the only way I could craft the story and still stay true to the characters.
> 
> I wrote this AU based on the popular trope of divorced lesbian mommies who still have a lot of feelings for each other. Only in my case they aren't divorced just yet. I tried to keep the voices of the characters like they are on the show as much as I was possible, and I hope I succeeded.
> 
> Thank you and I hope people enjoy the read :)

 

* * *

 

 

“Emma?”

 

Mary Margaret looked stunned for a moment, eyes filled with disbelief. But then her hands crossed in front of her chest and the expression on her face hardened.

 

It made Emma swallow harshly, wondering if it had been a mistake to come here after all. “Hey mom,” she said after a moment’s hesitation, “you sound surprised to see me.”

 

“I suppose I am.” She noticed her mother’s lips curling up, as if she attempted to hide the bitterness that crept into her voice by forcing herself to smile. “It wasn’t as if you bothered to respond to any of our calls, so we didn’t exactly have any way of knowing whether you would show up at all.”

 

Emma cringed and pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “As if this was easy for me, mom,” she muttered through clenched teeth as she rocked on the balls of her feet. “Just being here reminds me of..” She sighed and shook her head. Her eyes drifted to a crack in the wooden doorpost her mother was leaning against.

 

“I know,” Mary Margaret sighing as well made Emma’s head tilt upwards. “I know it’s not easy for you sweetie and I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. This isn’t quite how I imagined our reunion would go.” She opened the door further and stepped aside. “Do you want to come in for a moment at least?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” she said, though her stomach twisted itself into knots as she walked through the hallway and into the living room. “Dad not around?” She questioned as she looked around the room for any sign of him.

 

“He’s putting Helena to bed. She’s had a bad case of the flu last week, and she’s been sleeping a lot ever since.”

 

“Is she doing okay?”  
  


“She’ll be fine,” Mary Margaret said as she stifled a yawn behind one of her hands. And it was only then that Emma noticed how tired her mother really looked. There were clearly visible bags beneath her eyes and the slow way she walked around the kitchen island betrayed her lack of energy. “She gave us a slight scare but Dr. Whale said she’ll be back to her normal energetic self in a week’s time from now.”  
  
“And you?”

 

Mary Margaret grabbed a mug from one of the overhead cupboards before turning around and raising an eyebrow.

 

“How are you and dad holding up?” She knew it was a loaded question, especially since she had been the one to leave all the calls unanswered.

 

“I could ask you the same question, couldn’t I?”

 

Not as bitter this time at least. Which was an improvement, though only a small one. Mary Margaret’s eyes still shimmered with a kind of hurt and betrayal that she seemed unable to mask and it only served to make Emma feel a renewed sense of guilt over the whole situation.

 

She has no idea what to say to her mother’s inquiry either. And it was one thing to steer a conversation into a different direction while you were talking on the phone, it was another entirely to try to do the same while you were standing face to face with someone.

 

“Emma?!”

 

“Hey dad,” she managed to get out before her father enveloped her into a bear hug and Emma smiled despite herself.

 

“I didn’t know you would be stopping by today,” he said as he exchanged a quick look with Mary Margaret.

 

“Uhm yeah, about that..”

 

“Cinnamon?” Mary Margaret interrupted as she placed a steaming mug in front of Emma on the kitchen island.

 

The smell of hot chocolate wafted up to her nose and she breathed in a lungful of it. She knew without evening having taken a single sip, that it would taste far better than any of the chocolate she had ordered at various places in New York.

 

She nodded at Mary Margaret as she sat down on one of the stools, curling her fingers around the warm mug and staring down at the dark brown liquid inside of it. Though she knew it was only a moment’s respite from the questions she was sure David was dying to ask of her.

 

“You arrived today?”

 

“Yeah. I guess only thirty minutes ago or so. I figured I’d stop by here first and all,” she explained softly.

 

Something scraped across the floor and movement in her periphery of her vision confirmed David had sat down next to her.

 

“Are you going to stay?”

 

“Dad…” she muttered as she tightened her hold on the mug in her hands. “You already know the answer to that question.”

 

“So that’s a no,” David said.

 

One of his hands pressed against her cheek and she felt compelled to look up at him.

 

“You know why I can’t.”

 

“I don’t see why you two can’t just..”

 

“David!” her mother interrupted and Emma sighed and took a sip from the mug.

 

“I’ve closed off that chapter of my life and moved on,” Emma muttered, while wondering who she was really trying to convince with that statement. “So I would really appreciate it if you left this particular topic alone for the next couple of days.”

 

“We can do that sweetie,” Mary Margaret said, though Emma noticed she was looking at her father while she spoke. “Do you still need a place to stay, because it really is no troub…”

 

“No, I’m good. I’ll get a room at Ruby’s.”

 

“Alright. Just know that you’re always welcome to stay here whenever you want,” David said and the glimmer of hurt in his eyes made Emma flick her eyes to the mug cradled in her hands again.

 

“I know,” she mumbled softly, not sure whatever else she could say.

 

The tension in the room was thick and cloying and for a long moment the only sound that pierced the silence was of the large clock hanging on one of the walls of the living room, slowly ticking the seconds away. It only reminded her of how things used to be. And Emma imagined if she closed her eyes she could still recall the memories vividly. The loud music playing and the people laughing as they danced around the room. Something she could still cherish, even if it might’ve been the beginning of the end. At the very least it was a stark contrast to the way she felt now. As if trying to fit herself into the person she used to be. Only to realize that she no longer could and no longer felt the need to.

 

“I uhm,” Mary Margaret was fidgeting in a way that put Emma instantly on her guard. “I assume you at least read the last few messages we send you? We felt it was only right to invite her all things considered but if you want..”

 

“It’s not like I can avoid her forever,” Emma interrupted her, “besides there will be plenty of people there, it’ll be fine.”

 

Though the thought of attending her parents renewal of vows considering the state of her own marriage still weighed heavily on her mind. But it would only be a few days, she repeated inwardly to herself. Just a few days before she could go back and chase down some bail jumpers and pretend that she was fine with the state of her life the way it was.

 

“There should be,”David let out a nervous sounding chuckle, “your mother invited half the town after all.”

  
Emma noticed her mother lightly slapping David’s arm, but she was distracted by the phone buzzing in the pocket of her jeans few times in quick succession. Five new whatsapp messages greeted her. All of them were from Henry and she sighed deeply when she read the last one.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Emma answered Mary Margaret’s inquiry absentmindedly as she reread the message. “It’s Henry.” She hesitated for only a second before she quickly typed out a message back to him. “I promised him a while ago that when I came back here I’d meet up with him.” Then she frowned as a thought hit her. “He says he’s at the park but I only just got here, so I have no idea how he found out I was in town already.”

 

“Probably because of your car.”

 

She narrowed her eyes at her father.

 

“What?” He scratched at his cheek and she was reminded of all the times he had attempted to convince her to trade in for a newer car. “I’m just pointing out that your car is a bit...hard to miss and all.” He shrugged and she rolled her eyes

 

“I’ll go meet up with Henry while it’s still early,” she said as she pocketed her phone and stood up from the stool.

 

A half-hearted ‘bye’ was lingering on the tip of her tongue when she noticed the twin looks of expectation that were residing on her parents faces. Her heart squeezed itself into a tiny little ball as it reminded her of the way they had looked at her when she had broke the news that she was going to leave town.

 

“I’ll uhm…” she mumbled, suddenly at a loss of words. “I’ll call tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

 

“That’s fine, Emma.”

 

Mary Margaret stood up from her stool, took a few steps her way and Emma wasn’t sure what to expect. But her mother looked cautiously hopeful. A fragile kind of wistfulness that Emma couldn’t recall ever seeing in her eyes before. Then she opened her arms and Emma allowed herself to be pulled into a loose and quick hug.

 

It didn’t quite feel like home, she thought as she took a few deep steadying breaths. There was too much distance there now, as well as the ever-present thought that she couldn’t stay. But it felt like something. And Emma pulled away without meeting her mother’s eyes.

 

“We’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

She nodded, not trusting her voice as she walked through the hallway and closed the door behind her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He was easy to spot from a distance and Emma smiled as she observed him quietly for a moment. He was wearing his usual grey coat and on the bench next to him was the blue backpack he always carried everywhere with him. His face was obscured by the comic book he seemed to be engrossed in and Emma’s smile grew.

 

“Hey kid,” she called out as soon as she was within hearing distance.

 

“Emma!”

 

She hadn’t quite expected the way his eyes lighted up the moment he saw her, nor the way he crushed her in a hug almost a second later but it did help alleviate the worry that had gnawed at her the entire drive over to the park. It had been well over a year since she had seen him in person after all and she wasn’t sure how well he would respond upon seeing her again. A part of her had feared that he still harbored some lingering anger at the way she had left so abruptly out of his life. And a part of her wouldn’t blame him for it either.

 

“Ooff,” she muttered, “I’m happy to see you too, but I’d love to be able to breathe again, Henry.”

 

He let go of her almost immediately and grinned.

 

“I can’t believe how much you’ve grown,” she remarked as she sized him up. She figured within the next few years he would be taller than her and it felt almost strange to her to realize she wouldn’t be there to see it. “You look good kid,” Emma said as she flashed him a smile and ruffled through his short crop of hair.

 

“And you look...uhm..” His brown eyes were twinkling and the lopsided grin on his face gave away that he was having too much fun at her expense.

 

“Yeah yeah,” she rolled her eyes at him, “I know I’m a bit of a mess at the moment. It’s been a really long day for me.”

 

“I’m still glad you’re here,” Henry said, though Emma noticed the way his smile faltered as he turned around and walked back towards the bench. “You never answered when I messaged you about it so I thought..”

 

“Henry…” Emma sighed and pursed her lips. “I’m sorry,” she finally said after a moment.

 

She knew those apologies weren’t enough to fix this, only time would. Time she didn’t have. In a few days she’d leave again and she had no idea how he would react this time. Would he even bother to keep in contact with her anymore. And the thought was killing her.

 

“And now you’re here,” Henry continued and she swallowed as she watched him stare down at the open comic book in his lap. “But only for a few days right?”

 

“Right…”

 

“Why?”

 

“What?” Emma blinked and gave him a puzzled look.

 

“Why can’t you stay? Why can’t you just...talk to mom. She hasn’t been the same since you left, Emma.”

 

“Look Henry,” Emma scraped her throat and sat down next to him. She closed the comic book in his lap and placed a few fingers below his chin to tilt it up and force him to meet her eyes. “What happened between your mother and I is a bit hard to explain alright? But it didn’t just happen overnight. We just...grew apart I guess,” she muttered. It wasn’t the entire truth but she thought in this case it was better that way. “Talking isn’t going to make things better between us. And your mother will be fine, it might just take a little time, that’s all.”

 

“I just..miss the way things were,” Henry said, “I kept thinking that eventually you’d come back and..” his voice trailed off and he shook his head with a crestfallen expression on his face which made Emma want to kick herself for being the cause of it. “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too,” Emma confessed without missing a beat. It had been hard to leave and say goodbye to him and it had been even harder to stay away.

 

He gave a feeble attempt of a smile and flipped through the pages of his comic book again and she breathed a little sigh of relief. There was no doubt in her mind that they would talk about this more in the coming days. And she knew for certain that the subject of her leaving the town would come up again.

 

“Is that the new comic book you were obsessing about this past week?” She said after a moment. She’d been mulling over a safe subject to discuss and since most of their back and forward on whatsapp had been about a comic book he was dying to pick up, she thought it would be as good as any place to start.

 

“Yeah.” He lifted his gaze from the page of the comic for a second and looked her in the eyes. “Mom got it for me yesterday.”

 

“Right.”

  
Emma stiffened immediately. Of course Regina had gotten it for him the moment it hit the stores. It seemed that at least hadn’t changed, even when everything else apparently had. Thankfully Henry was too engrossed in his comic to notice her reaction.

 

A group of people talking loudly amongst themselves passed by where they were sitting. She didn’t recognise them, but she thought she caught one of them looking at her and Henry for a moment before he turned around again and Emma had no idea what to make of it. Though it made her wonder how many had taken a notice of her arrival in the town. The thought made her grin wryly. Prior experience taught her that gossip usually travelled pretty fast in Storybrooke after all.

 

She glanced once more at the group of men, but this time it seemed they were too preoccupied with whatever they were discussing and didn’t take notice of the fact they were being watched. There were a few other people walking along the path and a couple standing at the hotdog stand, but it was fairly quiet otherwise. Much more quiet than she knew it would be during the summer months. When the park would be bustling with activities and people were picnicking everywhere and soaking up the sun. Already the willow tree near the pond was turning a brighter green again and she noticed various purple and yellow flowers were in bloom along the edge of it.

 

But the chilliness that permeated the air and prickled along her skin betrayed the fact that it was still early spring. It also made her curse herself for not putting on her wintercoat instead of the red jacket she was wearing right now. Shivering she stole a glance at her watch and frowned. It would be getting dark soon and there were still a few things she had to do before settling in at Ruby’s bed and breakfast.

 

Which included having a bite to eat. She had a quick lunch while on the road but the hunger pangs she was feeling now made her all too aware it had been half a day since then.

 

“You up for a hotdog kid?” She asked as she watched him put the comic into his backpack. “My treat.”

 

“Well if you’re paying…”

 

He got up from the bench almost immediately and Emma snorted. “Still putting away everything that’s edible aren’t you?”

 

“Hey, you know I love my hotdogs.”

 

“And donuts, and anything else that consists of more than half of sugar.”

 

Henry closed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder as they slowly walked to the one of the nearby food stands. “And yet you were the one that always ate more than half the donuts every time mom bought a box of them.”

 

“Fair point,” Emma conceded and ordered two hotdogs. She knew for a fact that Regina had often bought a few extra chocolate frosted donuts with colored sprinkles because they had been Emma’s favorite. Had, since she also hadn’t eaten a single one of those for over a year now.

 

Once they had been paid for, she handed one of them to Henry and started walking back to the bench they had sat on before.

 

Taking a small bite from the hotdog she relished the taste of it for a moment. She was about to take another bite when she glanced over to Henry. And the almost completely devoured hotdog in his own hand.

 

“Sometimes I wonder if you ever learned to chew, you always seem to just wolf everything down,” she chuckled in between small bites.

 

“Hotdogs, truly? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.” A voice spoke up from behind them and Emma froze, lowering the hotdog away from her mouth.

 

Her heartbeat accelerated and she swallowed a few times to clear the sudden constriction in her throat. She turned around slowly and found herself coming face to face with her estranged wife for the first time in over a year.

 

“Regina, hey,” she managed to mutter out, while attempting to seem unfazed on the outside.

 

The inside was an entirely different matter. Her stomach was twisting itself into knots and she was under no illusions she would be able to finish what was left of her hotdog now. Sinking her teeth into her lower lip, Emma was unable to keep her eyes from raking across Regina’s form. And whereas she knew she likely looked like a complete mess right now, Regina looked as immaculate as ever. She was dressed in a dark pantsuit and the makeup she was wearing was drawing attention to the brown eyes that were watching Emma like a hawk.

 

“I assume this was the reason you turned off your phone?”

 

Regina’s gaze remained trained on Emma’s features, but a quick flick of her eyes sidewards revealed the words were meant for Henry instead. The corners of his mouth had drooped down and there was a guilty look on his face as he fidgeted with the straps of his backpack.

 

“I..uhm..”

 

“Thought you could skip out on your homework?”

 

Instead of replying Henry looked down at his shoes. Regina sighed and Emma noticed how her eyes lost some of their sharpness. Her attention moved fully towards Henry and Emma let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, the tightness in her chest abating for the moment.

 

“Henry..I’m not mad but you can’t just turn off your phone like that. I was worried about you.”

 

“Regina, maybe..” Emma started.

 

“Don’t.”

 

It was just one word, but the way it was said felt like she had been doused with ice cold water. Emma felt as if they were trapped in a bubble all of a sudden, isolated from the outside world. Just her, Regina and Henry and enough tension to make Emma want to run again. Far away from this accursed town and the woman who broke her heart.

 

“I just wanted to spend a little more time here…” Henry finally mumbled as he rocked on the balls of his feet.

 

Once more Emma felt Regina’s gaze on her and she didn’t know what to make of it. As if Regina was trying to get a read on her somehow.

 

“We’ll continue our talk about this at home,” Regina said, her voice softer and having lost some of it’s edge. “Go on ahead and get started on your homework, I’ll be right there.”

 

His eyes flicked from her to Regina and back again, a faint smile making it’s way to his lips. “Okay,” he said with obvious reluctance, “bye Emma.”

 

“Later, kid.”

 

He turned around and Emma followed him with her eyes for a moment, smiling when he glanced back across his shoulders once and waved at her. But the smile vanished just as quickly as it had appeared when she realized Regina was still standing a few steps away from her.

 

“Just for the record,” Emma said and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “I did not know he had turned off his phone.”

 

“I believe you actually.”

 

A pause followed. A pause in which Regina kept looking at her in a way that made Emma feel small and fragile. As if one mere wrong word might make her fall apart. Again. And it was enough to make her avert her eyes for a moment and take a few deep steadying breaths.

 

“That’s not why I stayed to talk to you.”

 

“Look,” Emma muttered, not bothering to hide her annoyance. “If you’re worried about my presence in Storybrooke then let me assure you. I’ll be out of your hair again in a few days from now.”

 

Regina folded her arms across her chest and pinned her with a stare. “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

 

“Is that supposed to hint at something?”

 

“I’m not worried about what you’ll be up to during your stay in Storybrooke. I’m worried about what it means to Henry. I’m worried that in a few days, he’ll be back to his moody and distant self because you made a promise you know you wouldn’t be able to keep.”

 

“Do you really think I would do that?” Emma muttered.

 

She removed her hands from the pockets of her jeans and balled them to fists at her side. A part of her, the part that had warned her to stay away, to never go back here and reopen the wounds that never properly healed in the first place, that part of her wondered how the hell she had expected this first meeting between them to go. As if exchanging niceties and small talk would’ve been an option considering the hasty way she had left. Considering how utterly furious and hurt Regina had been the last time she had seen her.

 

And it might’ve been over a year. But the way Regina was looking at her now, the Mayor’s mask firmly snapped into place and her brown eyes devoid of the warmth she had once shared with Emma, it felt like it had been mere days instead.

 

It was strange she thought, as she watched Regina appraise her silently for a moment, to think of how happy they’d been together once upon a time.

 

“I can see you do exactly that, yes,” Regina spoke up after she had taken a step closer. “Because while I obviously didn’t know you as well as I thought, I do know that you likely feel a sense of guilt for the way you left Henry behind. A sense of guilt that might compel you to spend some time with him while you are here.”

 

Setting her jaw, Emma looked directly into Regina’s eyes. She hated that Regina knew her this well. She hated that despite everything, it had taken Regina mere minutes to pry open the armor she had donned to protect herself. Everything about Regina chafed, making her feel raw and untethered. And there was nothing for her to cling to besides the thought that she would be free of this again in a few days time.

 

“I would never hurt him on…”

 

“But you did exactly that!” Regina spat out.

 

She closed the gap between them faster than Emma was able to react and crossed right into her personal space. Emma’s heart clattered away in her chest as Regina’s furiously glittering eyes bored into her own.

 

“You hurt him, Emma. He adored you and you left him behind without any care in the world. I don’t give a damn about how bored you were over here and how you likely can’t wait to get back to that exciting new life of yours you’re leading,” Regina hissed, putting a particularly venomous emphasis on the word exciting that made Emma cringe. “But you will not engage in raising his expectations of your visit here. I will not have you do anything that results in him crumbling to pieces again and leaving it to me to put them back together just because you feel it’s more important to run from your problems instead of facing them.”

 

“I..I didn’t know..” Emma started, feeling off kilter by the way Regina had spoken to her.

 

“Of course you didn’t know,” Regina interrupted, sounding merely resentful now, instead of raging with anger. “You weren’t there after all.”

 

Emma swallowed. Then swallowed again, while averting her eyes to the hotdog stand she had stood at a few minutes ago, blissfully unaware of what was about to follow.

 

“Alright,” she said, keeping her voice even and neutral, “I suppose I deserved that one.”

 

Regina sighed loudly and Emma registered how she turned slightly away from her, from the corners of her eyes.

 

“You do. You really do. Just..please Emma, don’t do that to him,” Regina said so softly, Emma barely heard her at all. “You can see Henry and talk to him whenever you want, but please make sure you explain everything clearly to him. Make sure he understands. Make sure there is no room in his heart for him to blame himself when you leave again.”

 

“I can do that,” Emma said as she caught Regina’s gaze for a second. “I’ll talk to him, okay?” She hoped her promise would be enough to close the subject, since she was feeling the drain on her emotions and wanted nothing more than to retire for the day.

 

Regina nodded and stepped away from her. She walked around the bench, with one hand bracing on the backrest of it, as if she felt the need to place a visible barrier between them. It made Emma frown and wonder just how vulnerable Regina had allowed herself to be moments ago.

 

“Right,” Emma spoke up, feeling awkward and out of her element suddenly now that they had come to an agreement. “I’m gonna…” she made a vague hand gesture towards the exit of the park that would lead towards the parking lot.

 

“Emma…”

 

“Hm?” She blinked, confused about the hesitating way Regina had said her name.

 

Regina’s other hand was clutching the backrest of the bench now and there was a tightness around her lips.

 

“About your parent’s upcoming celebration…”

 

Emma stiffened. She licked her lips and mentally went over all the possible reasons Regina could have to discuss the topic now of all times.

 

“What about it?” It came out all hoarse and she cursed herself for not being able to keep a clear head.

 

“I could cancel my attendance. I’m sure you’d rather not have me..”

 

“No. It’s fine really.”

 

It wasn’t, but she would be damned if she was going to let this get to her. She had come this far already, she would see it through to the end as well. Even if it put her through an emotional blender before the weekend was over.

 

“They are your parents, dear. I’m sure they would understand it if I explained the reason why.”

 

“Because I’m too hung up on how my own marriage is in shambles you mean?”

 

This time it was Regina that stiffened at least. Emma could see it from the way her shoulders squared and her lips pursed into a thin line.

 

“That’s not why..” Regina’s jaw locked before she expelled a long breath and looked Emma straight in the eyes. “I was trying to make things easier for you.”

 

Emma’s eyes flicked to a young couple walking with a baby stroller along one of the paths in the park as she processed what Regina had said to her.

 

“They are your friends though, I don’t think I have the right to ask you to stay away just because of what happened between us.”

 

The couple smiled at each other, talking about something Emma was unable to hear. They looked happy and carefree and it made something coil in the pit of her stomach. She looked over at Regina again briefly before lowering her gaze and staring at the bench instead.

 

“Besides,” Emma added more calmly than she felt, “there will be a lot of people there. It’ll be fine, really.”

 

Regina didn’t look at all convinced and Emma nervously rubbed her sweaty palms together.

 

“You still use that word too much.”

 

“What?”

 

“Fine. You say you are, but it’s never true.”

 

“Look,” Emma muttered, “I’m not even remotely in the mood to go into that particular discussion. Besides we’ve went over that and look where that landed us.”

 

“It’s not the same as…” Regina halted mid sentence and Emma wondered what else she had been meaning to say before she thought better of it. “Never mind. I’ll head home since Henry is waiting.”

 

“Right.” Emma toyed with the hem of her red jacket as she thought of what to say. “I’ll see you later I guess?”

 

“Perhaps.”

 

She expected Regina to spin on her heels and walk away but she kept looking at Emma instead. Her dark eyes were unreadable, but the intensity of Regina’s gaze made her feel decidedly uncomfortable.

 

“Was there something else?” She finally asked as the moment seemed to linger on.

 

“No. Not really. Just something that has been on my mind since you left.”

 

Emma sighed. “Regina…”

 

“I never took you for granted, Emma.”

 

She didn’t say anything in response. Her throat felt too constricted to do that. Besides she didn’t have a reply ready in the first place. She suppressed the sob that welled up in her throat and wrapped her arms around herself, turning around and away from Regina. And after another few seconds she more felt than heard how Regina was finally walking away without saying another word.

 

Tears burned in her eyes at the surfacing memories of the way she had walked away herself. Using the same words Regina had said as an excuse for leaving, without clarifying them further.

 

“Yes you did,” she whispered, knowing fully well that by now Regina was too far away to hear her.

 

 

* * *

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
  


Emma stifled a yawn behind her hand as she closed the door behind her. The long day was really getting to her now and it made her head feel foggy and heavy.

 

Rolling the muscles in her shoulders, Emma’s eyes fell on the empty reception desk and she frowned. While it was true that it was quite late in the evening, she remembered from the times she had been here before that the reception desk was usually manned until around midnight. She mused that Eugenia or Ruby were likely in the small office area that was located behind the desk, but couldn’t detect any sounds coming from there either.

 

She was thinking of maybe checking upstairs to see if they were busy with some rooms there, but before she could decide, she heard a familiar laugh followed by another woman raising their voice and then laughing loudly as well.

 

“Emma?!” Ruby exclaimed the moment she spotted Emma.

 

She managed to flash her a tired lopsided grin in response. “Hey Rubes, good to see you too.”

 

Ruby enveloped her in a quick hug and Emma noticed an amused Belle looking on. “Belle,” she greeted her, “still distracting Ruby away from her work I see.”

 

“I think she actually gets more work done when I’m accompanying her, since she seems to forget half the stuff she’s supposed to do otherwise,” Belle fired back with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

 

Emma snorted. “Yeah, I guess you have a point there.”

 

“I am actually still in the room you know?” Ruby muttered on a mock offended tone.

 

Emma yawned again, her eyes drifting towards the small wooden stairs that lead to the upper rooms. She could hear a few people talking upstairs and wondered if some of them might be early guests for her parents celebration.

 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you again, but I thought in your message you said you wouldn’t arrive until tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” Emma said as she leaned back against the reception desk. “Change of plans I guess. I had nothing to do and I knew that if I didn’t leave this morning I might spend the entire day trying to find excuses to stay away. Believe me, you weren’t the only one surprised at my sudden arrival here.”

 

“Your...parents?” Emma caught the hesitation and she was pretty sure Ruby meant to say ‘your wife’ initially. And she was also pretty sure that Ruby would likely still grill her about the situation with Regina the moment they were alone.

 

“They’re happy I’m here to attend the ceremony, I’m gonna leave it at if you don’t mind?”

 

“Uhm, so you’re not staying with them?” Ruby exchanged a look with Belle that Emma didn’t quite catch the meaning of, but didn’t seem to spell much good.

 

“No, I figured since I reserved a room for tomorrow…” She suddenly caught on what the exchanged look meant and lowered her face into her hands with a weary sigh. “You don’t have an available room for tonight do you?”

 

“I’m really sorry Emma, I didn’t know and we have some people from out of town and then there’s some guests of your parents and…”

 

“It’s fine, really,” Emma interrupted Ruby with a wave of her hand. “I’ll figure something out.”

 

“You could crash on my couch for the night if you want? The moment someone leaves tomorrow I’ll have a room prepared for you, but I’m afraid I really can’t do anything about it tonight.”

 

“It’s all good. It’s sort of my own fault, I didn’t really think things through and just assumed..” Emma clamped her lips shut and rubbed at her eyes. “I’ll just make myself comfortable in my car for the night. Not as if I haven’t been there before.”

 

“Emma…” Ruby took a step forward, “you can’t be seriously considering spending the night in your car. Especially not with these temps.”

 

“Look Rubes, it’s really not a big deal okay? And you offering to let me bunk on your couch is sweet and all, but well..you snore really loudly and I figure I can get more hours of proper sleep in my cramped car than if I listened to you saw logs all night.”

 

Ruby actually stared at her for a few seconds without saying anything, eyebrows knitted together in a deep frown. “I cannot possibly snore that badly.”

 

“Actually yes you do,” Belle spoke up. “I stayed the night when you were sick remember? And it sounded like an airplane taking off. I’m not sure how your grandmother is able to put up with it to be honest.”

 

“Probably the reason she’s sleeping at the other side of the house,” Ruby mumbled as she scratched at her cheek. “But okay, Emma, it’s your choice. I still wish I could help you in some way though. You need any extra blankets or something?”

 

“No, I’m good. Plenty of times I’ve went on a stakeout while it was freezing outside, so I’ve learned to come prepared.”

 

“Okay.” Ruby sighed softly. “Good night then. And breakfast tomorrow is on the house, no buts.”

 

Emma flashed her a lazy smile. “Yeah, alright, not gonna say no to that.”

 

“Good night Emma,” Belle said. Though she was looking at Ruby as she spoke and Emma could see something taking place between them. She chalked it up to Ruby feeling guilty about not being able to provide a room for the night and Belle trying to assure her that everything was fine.

 

Turning around, Emma walked through the door and was immediately hit by the chilly night air. Shivering, she plucked the car keys from her pocket and made her way to the bug.

 

She decided the car was in a bad spot and Emma yawned again as she drove it to the parking lot that was further away from the street. At least this way there was a much lower chance she would be woken up by drunk people walking home or cars driving by.

 

The icy cold was making her fingers numb however and the moment she had properly parked the car she fished around in the bag that sat on the passenger seat for some gloves. Her winter coat was still in one of the other bags in her trunk and Emma groaned at the thought of having to dig through most of her clothes to get to it.

 

She supposed the only good thing that came out of the freezing temperature was how it had a sobering effect, chasing away some of the drowsiness she had felt before. Popping the trunk of her car, Emma moved the bags around in search of her blankets. Vaguely she registered the arrival of another car nearby but didn’t pay much attention to it.

 

At least not until a smoky voice spoke up behind her and almost made her hit her head against the trunk of the car.

 

“Still as stubborn as a mule I see.”

 

“Jesus, fuck, Regina,” Emma cursed as she placed a hand against her chest, as if that would help calm down her racing heart. “What the..how..” Emma stuttered then pursed her lips together and rolled her eyes heavenwards. “Ruby… I’m going to kill her.”

 

“As entertaining as that prospect might be, I figure it would have to wait until the morning, dear.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” She at least assumed it wasn’t to convince her to bunk on Ruby’s couch. The cold was piercing through her jacket and she rubbed her hands together, her eyes flicking from her wife standing in front of her to the trunk of her car. “You know what, forget I asked that question and forget whatever the reason was that Ruby called you over. Thank you for coming here but I’m doing just fine, alright?”

 

Emma was taken by a surprise by Regina stepping forward and slamming the trunk of her car closed.

 

“What the hell Regina?!” She hissed, her gloved hands balling themselves to fists at her sides.

 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Regina replied coolly. Her chin tilted up and there was enough disdain in her voice to make Emma bristle. “It’s freezing, you’ve been shivering ever since I got here and yet you seem adamant on spending the night in that yellow deathtrap of yours.”

 

“I could spend the night lying naked in the middle of the fucking street if I so choose, it’s still my decision to make, not yours,” Emma growled out hotly and stepped right up to where Regina was standing until mere inches separated their faces.

 

“And there’s no doubt in my mind that if provoked, you’d do exactly that.”

 

She noticed Regina’s lips twitching, revealing the hints of a smile and Emma didn’t know if it was that, or if it was the almost disorientating weariness that crept up on her, but all of the fight slowly started to drain out of her. Until there was barely anything left of it and all she could do was sigh, lean back against the car and stifle a yawn behind one of her hands.

 

“Alright,” she said, her teeth chattering slightly as she spoke, “I assume you have a better suggestion, so out with it.”

 

She wrapped her arms around herself and fumbled with her jacket, ignoring the way Regina was staring at her. The bitter cold was really getting to her now and they were standing in the open, right into the wind’s direction. It sliced through her clothes and she felt the cold just seep right into her skin. Even the gloves offered little protection and she could already feel her fingers starting to numb.

 

“Ruby seemed to think I could convince you to sleep on her couch.”

 

“Unless you want a murder to happen in your town, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“That did come up briefly as well,” Regina murmured, the twinkle in her eyes signalling she was amused by whatever Ruby had told her on the phone. “She recognized the fact you wouldn’t be too thrilled about involving me into this. Which made me wonder why you won’t just stay at your parents for the night.”

 

“I assume Ruby already made it clear to you why that’s not an option.”

 

“Actually, she told me that it wasn’t up to her to explain why it’s not an option.”

 

Emma groaned and ducked her head, attempting to use the collar of her jacket to shield against the biting winds. “Christ Regina, I’m freezing my ass off over here and all I want right now is to crash on the nearest horizontal surface and sleep for the next 20 hours or so.”

 

Briefly she thought about how Regina had driven over here straight away, after just one phone call. How it meant something and how it shouldn’t mean something. And how it made a dull pain well up around her heart when she thought of the happier times they had spend together.

 

Little over a year ago they would’ve been lying naked under the covers around this time of the night after all. Huddling closely together in a cocoon of blankets. She’d warm her always cold feet against Regina’s body and laugh at the gasps of shock coming from her wife every single time she did that.

 

Imagery that she had so desperately had been trying to suppress for all these months. But she knew now that it wasn’t something she could switch off. That just looking at Regina, just being near her made her wish she could go back in time and prevent the creation of the chasm that loomed between them now.

 

“Emma..”

 

She wondered if it was something she said, or hadn’t said. But there was genuine worry shining in Regina’s eyes and Emma swore she saw Regina reach out for a moment, before the hand was retracted again.

 

“Hel has been sick and she’s still r-recovering,” Emma explained, her teeth chattering beyond her control. “They’ve got the celebrations surrounding their vow renewal to take care of. I just d-don’t want to bother them too much.”

 

“Is that really all there is to it?”

 

“W-want a 50 page essay on it or something?” Emma bit out. “I’ll be fine spending one night in the damned c-car, Regina.”

 

Regina sighed and then removed her car keys from her pocket. “Can you still drive?”

 

“What?” She had expected Regina’s retrieval of her car keys to mean that she was going to leave.

 

“Unless this cold has frozen all of your braincells I assume that wasn’t such a hard question to understand.”

 

Emma just stared at her dumbly, not really understanding where Regina was going with this.

 

“I still have a spare bedroom, it’s isola..”

 

“You’ve got to b-be kidding me,” Emma interrupted immediately, “no, okay?”

 

“Do I look like I’m kidding you?” Regina said. The keys in her hand jingled loudly as she

made a quick aggravated gesture towards the bug. “You’re not going to sleep in that, Emma, it’s simply out of the question.”

 

“We might still be married but that doesn’t give you the right to..” Regina stepping forward and shoving a finger into her chest abruptly stopped her from saying more.

 

“This isn’t just for me, dear. What do you think will happen if people stumble upon you spending the night in your car? Because there is no doubt in my mind that people will notice considering the type of car you own. It would only be a matter of time before that particular bit of gossip reaches your parents. How do you think they will respond to that?” Regina queried with one of her eyebrows raised. “Hm? It would mean you’d rather spend the night half-freezing to death in that yellow eyesore of yours instead of sleeping in your parents guestroom.”

 

Emma swallowed at the thought of having to deal with the fallout of her parents finding out and had to begrudgingly admit Regina had a point. Of course that didn’t mean she had to like it and the prospect of being in the same house again with Regina was making her stomach turn.

 

“I had almost forgotten about how you n-never liked to play fair in the past either.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll stop being a stubborn fool and just accept the offer?”

 

“Fine,” Emma muttered as she rubbed her gloved hands together again fruitlessly. It was doing nothing to warm her up and it was all she could do to not rush back into her car and put the heating up as high as it could go.

 

“Emma.” Her name was spoken carefully, with clear hesitation. And the way Regina wouldn’t meet her eyes made Emma wonder what was going on inside her head. “You know the location of that bedroom, we wouldn’t even need to interact otherwise and you can easily leave again come morning.”

 

“Why are you t-telling me this?” She asked curiously, though not unkindly. It hadn’t been something she had expected Regina to say after all. Some kind of reassurance that it didn’t mean anything beyond a friendly gesture and Emma didn’t know why that thought affected her as much as it did.

 

She also didn’t know what she had expected Regina to say in reply to her question. Perhaps some kind of witty remark, or a cold and clipped answer. Not the silence that greeted her instead. And not the way Regina flashed her a faint half smile before she walked to her car and stepped inside of it.

 

The Mercedes rumbled to life before Emma even had a chance to open her own car door and she couldn’t help staring after it, surprised that Regina drove off without waiting to see if Emma would follow her. She yawned and turned the ignition key, felt herself nearly nod off for a moment and then shook her head to regain her focus.

 

The ride to her former living place was as quick as she remembered it to be, though she was surprised to suddenly see the Mercedes’ taillights looming up ahead of her when she was almost at the driveway. She frowned, figuring Regina had likely slowed down the car for some reason or another to make Emma catch up to her. At least her almost rear ending Regina’s car took her mind off thinking too much about what to do in the morning, considering Regina was an early waker.

 

She parked the car right outside Regina’s driveway, but after she had plucked the keys from the ignition she found herself staring at the empty street instead of the house she would spend the night at. A glance at her side mirror revealed Regina waiting for her however and she took a deep breath before unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car.

 

She popped the trunk of her car and grabbed the most important of the three bags she had crammed into it then walked up to where Regina was impatiently waiting for her. Her gaze drifted from the door to the small frontyard, settling on the small sign that was barely readable with the scarce amount of light that was available.

 

“I didn’t know you were selling the house,” she said without thinking. It was somewhat of a surprise to her and she wondered if it had anything to do with the way she had left.

 

“No,” Regina’s voice was distant, “I imagine you don’t.”

 

The door was opened and Regina walked inside without a single glance her way. More questions were burning on her lips but Emma decided against them. There was no point to them after all, the house was Regina’s property and it was no longer her business what would happen to it.

 

She nervously flicked her eyes around the hallway, tugging at the strap of the bag that she had slung around her shoulder. There were no changes that she could see, other than what looked to be a new coat of Regina’s hanging on the coatrack and she doesn’t know what she had expected to find. Maybe something that didn't make her feel like she had only left yesterday.

 

“The bed is already made and you’ll find some toiletries on the nightstand,” Regina spoke up as she turned to face Emma. “There are extra blankets in the closet.”

 

“Right,” Emma mumbled, scratching at her cheek absentmindedly. She did remember that Regina always had the bed made in the guestroom since her eccentric sister Zelena had a habit of stopping by unannounced. “Thank you,” she added softly when the silence between them lingered.

 

She couldn’t stop herself from looking at the staircase, realizing that Henry was likely already fast asleep. A tight feeling formed in her chest at the thought of the conversation she was yet to have with him. Something she wasn’t particularly looking forward to. It had been hard enough to leave the first time. She couldn’t imagine how much would hurt the second time.

 

As if reading her mind, Regina spoke up, “Henry’s sleeping.”

 

“Yeah, I figured. I’ll uh..I’ll talk to him tomorrow, if that’s okay with you?”

 

She got a nod in response and then watched quietly as Regina hung up her coat. “Do you need anything else?”

 

“No, I’m good.”

 

She was almost at the guestroom when Regina’s voice rang out again. “Good night, Emma.”

 

“Good night,” she replied almost automatically, an echo from all the good night’s they had shared before. Though a glance at the hallway revealed it was empty and she wasn’t sure if Regina had heard her.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  
  


She did her best to ignore all the shocked looks as she stormed into the diner with the bell attached to the door clanking in protest from the way she slammed it closed behind her.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?!” She hissed at Ruby who was gaping at her in surprise. The coffee pot in her hand was frozen mid-air and her eyes had grown as large as saucers.

 

“I..uhm…”

 

She rolled her eyes and tamped down on the urge to grab a hold of Ruby’s shirt and yank her across the counter.

 

“Weren’t thinking at all,” Emma finished for her. Gnashing her teeth she leveled a few narrow-eyed glares around the diner, satisfied when the various customers all at once went back to their daily business.

 

“Can we please go someplace more quiet to talk about this?” Ruby whispered.

 

She placed the coffee pot onto the counter and Emma watched her talk to another waitress. Ruby untied her apron and draped it across a stool behind the counter and then motioned towards the door that lead towards the kitchen area. Emma lifted an eyebrow in silent question but decided to follow after Ruby.

 

“Emma... “ Ruby spoke up as soon as they had walked through a small hallway and another door that led outside. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean..”

 

“You had no right to meddle, Ruby,” Emma interrupted her with barely restrained anger. She was still fuming on the inside.

 

She had woken up as early as possible to avoid yet another confrontation with her wife, and the few hours of restless sleep had done little to improve her mood otherwise. A look at Ruby’s face at least revealed that she seemed properly remorseful for her actions the night before and Emma couldn’t find it in herself to stay angry at her old friend for very long. She knew Ruby had meant well after all.

 

“I know that,” Ruby said quietly. “I just felt so guilty over not being able to provide you a room for the night. And then you insisted on sleeping in your car and I couldn’t bear the thought of you spending the night out there while it was freezing.”

 

“I assume Belle had something to do with this as well.”

 

Ruby’s sheepish shrug was all the answer she needed and Emma scrubbed at her face, muttering some expletives under her breath.

 

“You two are the worst, just so you know.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll forgive me for calling up your wife?”

 

“Maybe if you’ll promise not to do that ever again.” She shook her head and leaned back against the wall next to the door. “I was completely worn out, chilled to the bone and you had me have a confrontation with Regina where she was basically guilt tripping me into sleeping over in her spare bedroom. I’m not sure if even a year of free breakfasts over at your diner will make up for that.” Emma grinned wryly.

 

“Well if it helps,” Ruby said as she ducked her head slightly and stared at her feet. “Regina wasn’t exactly thrilled that I called her up either.”

 

“I assume a death threat or two was involved?”

 

“Or three.”

 

Emma snorted. “Yeah, that sounds like Regina alright.”

 

Silence enveloped them then and Emma’s gaze drifted towards what parts of the street she could see. She was still tired and hoped one of Ruby’s room would free up early enough in the afternoon so she could take a short nap.

 

“So uhm..”

 

Emma turned her head and gave Ruby a questioning look.

 

“How did the talk with Regina go otherwise?”

 

“Rubes...”

 

“Alright, sorry,” Ruby threw her hands up and walked towards the door, “forget I asked. But just so you know if you need someone to talk to, I’m always available, okay?”

 

“I do know that,” Emma said and placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder for a moment, flashing her a grateful smile. “And I do appreciate it as well. Maybe...in the future, I will take you up on that offer.”

 

Most likely after her parents had renewed her vows, she thought grimly, knowing for a fact that it would unravel what few threads were still holding her together by then.

 

Ruby nodded and opened the door. They were immediately greeted by various kitchen noises and the buzz of a dozen or so people talking quite loudly amongst themselves.

 

“I gotta head back in there, Ashley’s going to turn into a nervewreck if I leave her alone much longer with the morning crowd. But..” Ruby was chewing her lip and staring at the door handle. “We’re good right?

 

“We will be after you’ve served me a few stacks of pancakes.”

 

Ruby’s melodious laugh resounded throughout the hallway as they walked back to the front of the diner and Emma smiled at her.

 

“I think that can be arranged.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


The door opened with the same creak she remembered and Emma smiled at the familiarity of the sound. A glance into the office area made her sober up again however and she slowly closed the door behind her, shoving her clammy hands into the pockets of her jeans.

 

Graham was sitting behind a desk piled with paperwork, his feet propped up on the surface of it and the chair on which he was sitting precariously perched onto the two hind legs. Something she was sure Regina wouldn’t exactly approve of if she were to witness it. There was a stack of files in his lap and he seemed too engrossed in them to notice her arrival.

 

At least until she took a few steps further into the office and his head shot up instantly. Graham’s mouth fell open in surprise and he stared at her in a way that made her question if it had been a good idea to come to visit the station in first place. But his surprise only seemed to last a second or two. Suddenly he shoved the chair backwards, his lips curving into a smile that crinkled the skin near his eyes and lit his entire face up.

 

“Emma!”

 

“Hey, Graham,” she managed to say before he crushed her into a hug that stole the breath from her lungs. “Oof, I guess that means you’re happy to see me then?” She queried when he let go of her a moment later and stepped backwards.

 

“Of course I’m happy to see you, why wouldn’t I be?”

 

Maybe it was the way he said it, sounding genuinely surprised at the way she had voiced her doubt, that helped to alleviate some of her fears. Even though he had respected her decision and hadn’t even tried to talk her out of it at the time. But a part of her had always remained in doubt. Had felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for the way she had left the town at the time. She hadn’t exactly given him a lot of time to find a replacement after all. A stolen glance sideways revealed the other desk in the room was still empty however and Emma made a mental note to herself to question him about it later.

 

“Emma, I meant what I said when you left. That hasn’t changed, even though I was having a hard time deciphering the handwriting on your last paperwork.”

 

She snorted in response and then smiled at him, silently grateful that he always seemed to have a bead on her emotions. Even when they worked together he had given her the time and space when she hadn’t been in the best of moods. Which had been fairly often in the weeks prior to her leaving.

 

“Uh huh,” she said as she tilted her head and rose an eyebrow at him, “I seem to recall a certain Sheriff standing in the middle of a supermarket with a grocery list he penned himself. Unable to make heads or tails of it.”

 

“I was drunk when I wrote that, it’s hardly the same thing.” He chuckled and leaned back against his desk. “But more to the point, how have you been? I’ve heard some reports that pretty much painted you as a regular superhero, catching all of the bad guys.”

 

Emma laughed heartily. “I guess that means Henry’s been talking to you.” She shook her head and turned towards the window, spying the patrol car on it’s usual spot in the parking lot. The passenger seat had been in a dire state the last time she had sat on it and she briefly wondered if Graham had bothered replacing it yet.

 

“He’s a great kid but his imagination seems to lead a life of its own sometimes. I’ve caught a few people but I can assure you the stories I could tell you about it wouldn’t be nearly as exciting as what Henry has been regaling you with.”

 

“I guess he’s at that age where he latches onto people that he looks up to. Bit of a boy’s hero worshipping complex. I used to beg to be allowed to drive along with the firetruck whenever it headed out for an emergency in my hometown.”

 

“Yeah...” She worried her lower lip with her teeth. “Maybe things would be easier if he had been more like that. It’s never fun to watch your heroes fall off their pedestals.”

 

She caught the worried glance he threw her way and tried to reassure him with a faint smile.

 

“I realize I don’t really have a right to get involved in this, but my take on things is that you didn’t really fell off that pedestal. He just seems to miss you a lot.”

 

“That’s not the point though.”

 

He seemed puzzled and she couldn’t really blame him.

 

“I shouldn’t be on that pedestal in the first place,” she muttered as she walked towards the window.

 

Her mind got stuck on the things that Regina had told her and she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at the way she had left Henry behind. How she hadn’t really thought about the impact it would have on him at all. And no amount of apologies would ever make up for that.

 

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

 

“Or not hard enough,” she replied bitterly. “Since I know what it feels like when you’re not good enough and have people make decisions without involving you, without thinking about the impact of that decision.”

 

She heard him walk through the office, but the reflection in the mirror showed him stopping a fair distance away from her. Something she knew he had learned from their past interactions. It wasn’t as if she was particularly approachable when she was brooding like this; wallowing in a familiar kind of self loathing she was never able to rid herself off completely. In the past she had always tried to walk it off by pacing around the office in endless circles.

 

“Have you talked to him since you got back?”

 

“I did.” She thought of leaving it at that. It would be easier that way. But there was a part of her that thought it couldn’t hurt to get the things that were troubling her off her chest.

 

“And he said..” She swallowed when the conversation she had with Henry replayed itself inside her head. “He said he missed me, missed the way things were. He mentioned how he kept thinking that I was going to come back and of course I never did.” Her throat constricted and she sucked in a harsh breath. “I brushed off his attempts on whatsapp to get me to come back. I thought that over time he would kind of move past it, maybe even forget me altogether.”

 

“You’ll leave again in a few days from now?”

 

The tone he used wasn’t accusatory but it still made her blink and turn around to face him.

 

“Yeah, I can’t stay Graham. But I was thinking of maybe paying some visits to the town every now and then, you know? Meet up with Henry and take him to the park to play ball or something. But now I’m wondering if I should just stay away altogether.”

  
Graham stared at her pensively for a moment before he walked towards the coffee maker. “I can’t really give you any advice on this. I wish I could. The only thing I can think of is to talk to Henry again and maybe..”

 

His back was towards her so she wasn’t able to see the expression on his face, but she imagined he had kind of clamped his lips together when he realized what he was about to say.

 

“Regina?”

 

The coffee maker sputtered to life as he gave her a sheepish look across his shoulder. “Yeah, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, sorry.”

 

“No need to apologize. But I already talked to her, and she pretty much made it clear to me that she wouldn’t tolerate having me make promises to him that I wouldn’t be able to keep.” Her hand went to the necklace she wore around her neck, two fingers settling over the ring that was hidden beneath her t-shirt. “And she’s right. I’ll talk to him, try to explain to him more clearly why I left.” And why she couldn’t stay, she added silently.

 

“That seems like a good plan at least.”

 

“Yeah..uhm,” she tucked a few stray hairs behind one of ears, suddenly feeling a little self conscious about unburdening herself in such a way. “I’m sorry for troubling you with all that. We see each other for the first time in over a year and I…”

 

“Emma, stop. I’ve always enjoy having talks like this with you, about everything really. I don’t know how long you’ll be in town for, but you’re always free to stop by at anytime, just so you know.”

 

She nodded and grinned at him. “Yeah, I know. Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer, I wouldn’t mind beating your ass at darts one more time for old time’s sake.”

 

“I actually play basketball these days.”

 

“Basketball?” Emma repeated, her eyebrows jumping into her hairline. “In here? And what happened to the dartboard?” A quick scan around the office revealed it was missing from it’s usual position next to the door and she didn’t see it hanging anywhere else either.

 

“Regina sort of confiscated it.”

 

Emma chuckled. “I kind of wished I had been there to see that actually. Took her long enough.” It was only then that she spied the plastic ring that was duct taped to the wall above the trashcan and she burst out laughing. “I guess you need to work a little on your aim.” She inclined her head towards the growing pile of wadded paper surrounding it.

 

“Yeah,” he scratched at his chin and poured some coffee into his mug. “I should probably clean that up. The rabbit hole still has a decent dartboard, so just say the word.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Want some coffee?”

 

“No, thank you. I should probably go in a minute, still gotta unpack my stuff and stop by my parents later.”

 

“Allright.” He took a sip from his coffee and made a face. “Guess I made that a little too strong.” The mug was placed back on the counter and she caught the inquisitive look aimed her way. “But since you’re about to leave again, was there anything you needed or did you just want to catch up a little?”

 

“Catch up mainly.” Though her eyes automatically settled on the empty desk across the room. “But I suppose I was also curious if you had any luck with finding a replacement for me.”

 

“Somewhat.” There was clear reluctance shining through in his expression however and he frowned for a moment before looking at her again. “I actually waited a few months at first. Because I thought that...well I suppose I held out some hope that you might come back. After that August Booth actually filled the position for half a year or so. But in the end he decided to move back to Houston, I guess he was just too used to big city life to really settle down here.”

 

“So you don’t have a deputy right now?”

 

“Happen to be looking for a job?”

 

It was said teasingly but her stomach still turned itself into knots and she was unable to tear her eyes away from the empty desk. “Not really.” She forced a smile on her face. “But I hope you have better luck finding another deputy in the future.”

 

“There are a few applications being considered actually.”

 

“Right,” Emma swallowed and turned towards the door. “Maybe we could go out for a drink tomorrow night, if I’m still around by then.”

 

“Sure, just let me know.”

 

Her hand was on the doorknob when he spoke up again.

 

“And Emma, I was serious about the offer.”

 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she opened the door. “I know,” she said and closed the office door softly behind her.

 

 

 

* * *

 

  
  


“Is everything okay?”

 

For a split second Emma was confused and wondered if her internal turmoil was obvious enough for Ruby to pick up on it the moment she entered the diner.

 

“Uh, I mean with your room?”

 

“Right,” Emma muttered, “my room. It’s great, really, thanks Ruby.” She ignored the curious looks thrown her way, some by people she recognised from earlier that day, and plopped herself down on one of the empty barstools.

 

“You don’t seem too enthusiastic about it,” Ruby said softly, leaning forward on the counter by her elbows to give their conversation a modicum of privacy. Not that Emma doubted there were a few customers straining their ears to pick up on some juicy gossip they could pass around.

 

“In fact you look like you’ve swallowed a lemon.”

 

“Sorry Rubes, it’s really not your fault. The room is lovely, honestly. It’s just..everything and everyone is a reminder you know? I don’t know how to explain, but it feels like I’m trying to wade through a crowd and I’m afraid to push someone aside, or to step on someone’s toes. I’m supposed to go to my parents in a moment and I don’t even know what to do or say.”

 

Emma blew out a frustrated breath and stared at the way her fingers were splayed across the wooden counter. “I guess they are the same way. Like we’re just talking in circles around each other without addressing anything head on. And on top of that I get queasy just thinking about the ceremony tomorrow, I don’t even want think about actually being present for it.”

 

“Maybe you should talk with your parents about that.”

 

“Probably.” The sudden lull in conversation made Emma realize how easily she had spilled her frustrations and she felt a little tinge of warmth spread to her cheeks. “The plan was for me to order a coffee to takeaway, not to burden you with my mountains of issues.”

 

Instead of replying, Ruby was looking past her, seemingly distracted by something and Emma glanced across her shoulder, curious what had caught Ruby’s attention.

 

“Oh,” she mumbled in surprise when she spotted a familiar looking crop of brown hair peaking out from above a seat in the corner, “you didn’t tell me Henry was here.”

 

“I actually meant to, but..” Ruby shrugged and walked towards the coffee machine. “It would have led to explaining that Regina was going to arrive at any moment too, since it’s their usual day to grab lunch together. The timing didn’t seem exactly right to mention that, considering the stuff you are dealing with right now,” Ruby stated wryly. “You still want that coffee by the way?”

 

Ignoring the offer, Emma glanced towards the door, mentally debating on her options. “I assume it might take a few more minutes before Regina will be here, right?”

 

Ruby’s checked her watch and Emma drummed her fingers on the counter impatiently. “Yeah I’d guess five minutes or so?”

 

“Alright. And I’ll have that coffee, to takeaway. I’ll be right back to grab it.”

 

“I’ll have it ready, and it’s free of charge.”

 

“Rubes..” Emma shook her head and gave Ruby a bemused smile. “Sometimes I wonder how on Earth you ever turn a profit with this place.”

 

“I’ll tell you my secrets one day,” Ruby said, giving Emma a wolfish smile. “Now scram and go over to Henry, I’ll stall Regina for you if she arrives.”

 

Emma opened her mouth to tell Ruby not to engage Regina, but then thought better of it. Since there was no doubt in her mind that nothing would deter Ruby once she had her mind made up about something.

 

Taking a deep breath she walked over to Henry’s booth and slowly sat down opposite of him.

 

“Emma!”

 

“Hey kid.”

 

His eyes were bright and he seemed to be in a good mood. An observation that made Emma shift around restlessly in her seat. The things she wanted to talk about with him would likely do a lot more harm than good and she chewed the inside of her cheek, suddenly not so sure anymore if this was the right thing to do.

 

“Are you here to join me an..”

 

“No,” she cut him off. But the damage was already done and she recalled all too vividly how often they had sat in a booth like this before, the three of them, having lunch together. A normal part of their weekly routine. She wanted to deny the idea of missing that part of her life, but found she couldn’t and a lump lodged itself into her throat.

 

“Oh,” he sounded disappointed and the expression on his face changed accordingly. “Okay.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that,” Emma apologized as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’ve had a really rough night and I’ve been a little on the edge because of it.”

 

“Mom mentioned you had spend the night in the guestroom.”

 

“Right…” Emma could feel her courage diminishing by the second and she rolled the muscles in her shoulders, figuring it would likely be the best to just get it over with. “Did she mention anything else?”

 

The question was a calculated one and she studied the expression on his face, wondering if Regina had perhaps discussed anything with him the previous day.

 

“Not really. She’s been pretty quiet and withdrawn. She mostly just scolded me for turning off the phone yesterday.”

 

“Well she’s right. You shouldn’t pull another stunt like that kid.”

 

“I know.” He looked properly chastised and his lower lip was jutting out in a classic pout. “And she didn’t really seem mad at me, just disappointed. She said I could see you whenever I wanted to, but to just tell in her in advance where I went.”

 

Emma nodded and could feel a myriad of emotions welling up in her chest. “She really does want the best for you, you know that right?”

 

“You’re really not here to have dinner are you?” He frowned and played a little with the menu that was lying on the table. “You have your serious face on,” he continued after she stared at him. “The last time you did, you left the next day.”

 

“Henry..” Emma’s heart ached and she struggled with not reaching out to him, knowing from experience he wouldn’t respond to that very well when he was on the edge like this. The accusatory tone on which he had said the last few words had struck an even bigger nerve and she understood now what Regina had been trying to tell her the previous day.

 

“I realize I deserve that, and I also realize that I can’t make it up to you. Especially not as I will be leaving again in a day or two at most. Which is why I’m talking to you now. I can’t make you any promises Henry, I can’t tell you in all honesty if I’ll even come back to Storybrooke after I leave again. And it’s not fair to you to raise your expectations of any future visits.”

 

“I could just visit you instead.”

 

But it was said without much conviction and Emma felt like someone had taken a hammer to her gut. “You could, and I’m going to leave that up to you. I’ll also leave it up to you whether or not you want to keep in contact.”

 

Her attention shifted to the figure walking towards their table and Emma sat upright immediately. From the corner of her eyes she caught Ruby’s throwing her hands up in the air and Emma figured the attempts to stall Regina hadn’t worked as anticipated.

 

“I’ll uhm...I’ll talk to you at least before I leave okay?” Emma stuttered out hastily as she stood up from her seat.

 

“Okay..” But he didn’t look at her as he spoke and Emma’s heart sank into her chest.

 

“I assume Miss Lucas’ attempts to keep me occupied were your doing, dear?” Regina stood in front of the table, regarding her coolly with her chin jutting up and her arms crossed in front of her chest, effectively blocking her from leaving.

 

“Not really?” Emma shifted from one foot to another, wanting nothing more than to leave before things could escalate. Especially since she could feel a dozen or so eyes on them, like sharks smelling blood. “Ruby is just being her usual meddling self, you know how it is.” It was as cryptic as she could describe Ruby’s actions from the other night, not wanting to give more fodder for the town’s gossip machine.

 

“Indeed I do. It would seem death threats aren’t an effective measure in this regard.”

 

“It’s not when you issue them all day every day and never make good on them,” she couldn’t help joke back, feeling as if they were falling in an old natural pattern when it came to their interactions.

 

“Is that your way of saying I should actually start murdering citizens that annoy me?” The previous annoyed look was replaced with a more amused expression and Emma breathed a little easier.

 

“Since I know how you work when it comes to these sort of things, I’m sure you can figure out a better way to get Ruby out of your hair instead of killing her. Especially since she’s the only one in this town that can actually make a decent cup of coffee.”

 

“I suppose that is a good point.” Regina appraised her for another moment, but then her gaze shifted to Henry and her eyes softened. The bag she had slung across her shoulder was placed on top of the table and she sat down opposite of Henry, in almost the exact same place Emma had been sitting at moments before.

 

“Anyway I’ll uhm..” Emma clamped her lips together. It felt almost strange to her, standing in front of the table, her wife and stepson sitting in front of her. As if she could just sit down right now and slide back into what they had used to be.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, at the ceremony,” she said, while avoiding looking directly at Regina.

 

Regina nodded, but didn’t say anything else and Emma awkwardly turned away from the table and walked back towards the counter. She could only hope that Regina had caught onto the reason she had approached Henry and talked to him.

 

“You okay?”

 

At least she knew Ruby wasn’t talking about the room this time.

 

She took the cup of coffee from Ruby’s outstretched hand and turned to glance across her shoulder once more. “Not really,” she said quietly and walked towards the door.

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

 

 

* * *

 

  
  


“If you want you could help dress Helena and guide her when she carries the rings to us?”

 

“Oh,” Emma mumbled, unable to mask her surprise.

 

She hadn’t really counted on something like that. Something that would undoubtedly put her in the spotlight tomorrow. But it wasn’t as if she could take back her offer now and she tightened the hold around the mug in her hands and stared at the steam wafting up from it.

 

“It’s uhm..it’s just a suggestion?” Emma caught the quick look her mother exchanged with her father from the corners of her eyes. “Kathryn was initially going to babysit Helena tomorrow, so if you don’t want to…”

 

Mary Margaret’s voice trailed off and Emma swallowed thickly, wishing she had more time to think about the bombshell her mother had just dropped on her. The thought of standing there, with everyone’s eyes on her, while she made sure Helena delivered the rings on the pillow was making her stomach turn. It wasn’t anything like she had mentally planned that event to go.

 

“No, it’s fine,” Emma said softly.

 

A part of her still felt guilty about not responding to her parent’s phone calls and she figured helping with Helena was the least she could do for them.

 

She took a sip from her coffee and glanced up at Mary Margaret when the silence lingered on. The concerned expression on her face was mirrored by her father and Emma sighed.

 

“Really, it’s no bother, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“No it’s just…” Mary Margaret was wringing her hands, “I didn’t really think when I suggested that to you, sweetie, so you shouldn’t feel obligated to..”

 

“I don’t feel obligated!” Emma bit out more harshly than she had intended. But then she truly didn’t understand her parents at times. And she wondered if they knew how much it hurt when they did things like this. How it made her feel inadequate, as if nothing she ever did was good enough.

 

The anger and hurt subsided slowly again and Emma felt like an idiot for getting riled up so easily and snapping at her parents. She thought of apologizing. And she thought of excusing herself and leaving her parent’s house. But in the end she did neither and stirred the spoon in her mug around as she quietly gauged her parent’s reactions to her outburst.

 

Her mother actually seemed the least fazed by it and Emma figured it likely had to do something with some of their altercations in the past. During her troubled teenage years that she much rather forget happened altogether.

 

“We didn’t mean to..” her father started, but then he stopped and looked at her mother again. Something he often did when he was a loss of words.

 

“David could you..give us a moment alone?”

 

“There’s no need for dad to leave,” Emma said as she shifted around in the kitchen chair uncomfortably. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I’ve been a bit on the edge all day, I had a rough night, everything’s fine otherwise.”

 

“Is that why you’ve been squeezing that mug so tightly that it’s a miracle it hasn’t shattered, ever since I asked you to help with Hel?”

 

She let go of the mug immediately, not having realized she had indeed been clutching onto it as if it had been a lifeline. It didn’t help with abating the tension she still felt coursing through her body however and she had to tamp down on the almost overwhelming urge to pace around the kitchen.

 

“It’s okay Emma, I figure you and your mother are better suited to talk about this. You know all about my tendency to say the wrong things at the absolutely worst of times.” David flashed her a quick grin before pressing a kiss on her mother’s cheek and walking towards the coatrack. “I’ll see you tomorrow before the ceremony?”

 

While it was phrased as a question, Emma recognised it for what it was; her father trying to ascertain that she would be present tomorrow no matter what happened.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be there, maybe I can be of some use with the preparations.”

 

He nodded and smiled, then grabbed his coat and headed out of the door. It shut behind him with a little thud and Emma bit the inside of her cheek. Mary Margaret stood up from her chair and leaned back against the kitchen counter, her eyes firmly fixed on Emma’s form.

 

“Look,” Emma said while schooling her features into an expression that she hoped would resemble neutrality. “I already said I didn’t mean to snap like that and again I’m fine with making sure Hel is at ease when she brings the rings to you and dad tomorrow.”

 

Her mother’s eyes softened noticeably and she sighed, “I know you’d do anything for Helena, that’s also part of the reason why I thought it would be a good idea to ask you to help out with her. But I really didn’t think further than that, Emma and I’m sorry for it. I should’ve thought of how attending the ceremony is going to affect you considering…”

 

The sentence halted there and Emma stiffened, her teeth grinding at the thought of how her mother had intended to finish it. “Considering what, mom?!” She hissed out. “The state of my marriage?”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“No of course you didn’t mean it like that,” Emma muttered. “It’s not like you even understand. You have this...fucking perfect marriage and a nice 25 year anniversary to celebrate it and I wasn’t even able to keep my own marriage intact for more than a year. It even makes me question whether you’re worried about my emotional state tomorrow or just the fact that if I attend it everyone will be gossiping about how your daughter’s marriage is in shambles.”

 

She stood up from her chair and squared her jaw, ignoring her mother calling out her name on a pleading tone.

 

“You get mad at me for not answering your calls and you didn’t even realize that it felt like I was getting crushed beneath the weight of my guilt every time I saw a missed call on my phone. I drove back here purely on impulse because I knew that if I didn’t, I would’ve kept making excuses not to go.” Her voice was hoarse and Emma swallowed, leaning her forehead against the window as she tried to gather her thoughts. “Being here just reminds me of how much I fail at everything, reminds me of how I just can’t measure up to my parents. Reminds me of how even the woman I love treated me like I was just a convenience to her.”

 

“Emma..”

 

Do you know how much all of this hurts?” Emma choked out as she turned around. The tears that had welled up in her eyes were blurring her vision and she brushed them away with the backs of her hands.

 

“I don’t,” Mary Margaret said. She stepped closer and before Emma was able to stop her, she felt hands framing her face and forcing her to look into her mother’s eyes.

 

“You’re right about what you said. I don’t know Emma. And I know I’m partially to blame because I know that ever since you were little you always had a penchant for bottling things up. So I’m partially to blame for not pushing you more and getting you to talk about the things that are bothering you. And I’m partially to blame for being too busy sometimes and not noticing how much you are struggling with something.”

 

“Mom..”

 

Her mother’s thumb wiped away some of the stray tears that had fallen and Emma choked back a sob as she allowed herself to be enveloped in a tight hug.

 

“My marriage isn’t perfect, sweetie,” Mary Margaret whispered somewhere near her ear. “Your father and I argue every now and then and sometimes there are things we just don’t agree upon. But that’s what marriage is about, finding compromises and working through things. Marriages aren’t supposed to be perfect.”

 

The words were said in a gentle way and the soothing strokes across her back helped to bring some calmth to the storm that raged inside. She allowed the hug to go on for a few seconds more before she slowly extracted herself from her mother’s embrace and offered up a weak smile.

 

“Your father and I love you very much, Emma, don’t ever doubt that. And you’re not supposed to measure up to anything or anyone, it doesn’t work that way. You are your own person and we couldn’t be more proud of you.”

 

“I do love you too,” Emma murmured.

 

Her mother’s eyes were bright and watery and Emma wondered if she had shed a few tears herself while they had hugged it out.

 

“And I’m still going to help with guiding the little troublemaker tomorrow, since I have a feeling that Kathryn spoils her way too much.”

 

Mary Margaret chuckled at that and rubbed a little at her eyes. “Well you’re not wrong, Hel does seem to have her wrapped around her little fingers. She reminds me a little of you at that age actually.”

 

“Hey! I wasn’t that bad,” Emma protested.

 

“You were the worst actually.” But her mother smiled brightly to take the edge out of her words. “Your father especially had a hard time saying no. He still isn’t capable of doing so when it comes to Hel. I guess he’s just a softie when it comes to being the bad guy when we’re parenting.”

 

“He really is a big softie.”

 

Emma quietly watched her mother walk around the kitchen table and collect the various dirty mugs, before putting them in the sink. “We’ll be close by tomorrow,” Mary Margaret spoke up as she ran the faucet. “So if any problems arise with Helena don’t hesitate in notifying us. She’s still recovering a little from the flu and you know how she gets with big crowds.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll try to distract her a little.” It wasn’t what really bothered her about the ceremony. She mused her mother had likely noticed her troubled thoughts somehow since she caught the curious glance her way. “I guess I’m not really looking forward to facing that big crowd myself either. But it’ll be fine,” she hastily added when it looked like her mother was opening her mouth to say something. “I’m putting some hope on the fact that your vow renewal and the celebration itself will give them something else to talk about.”

 

“Likely enough.” A wry grin played around the corners of her mother’s mouth. “I feel like I’m going to be put under a magnifying glass tomorrow myself. Every little thing that goes wrong will be talked about, you know how it goes.”

 

“You do remember that I was a complete nerve wreck at my own wedding right?” Emma said without thinking. The actual impact of what she had said hit her a second or two later and she felt her mood shift along with it.

 

“You might not even see her tomorrow.”

 

“I’m fairly certain I will actually.” Because that had always been a thing between them after all, the way they had always been able to effortlessly find each other in a crowd. “And I don’t mind.” For a moment her hand hovered over where the wedding ring was located beneath her shirt. “We talked the other day and...she said she would not attend if it was a problem to me, to make things less awkward.”

 

“And you said it wasn’t a problem to you,” her mother stated almost matter of factly.

 

“I did..” Emma said, feeling slightly dumbstruck by how easily her mother her predicted her response to Regina’s offer. “And you think that means something?” It wasn’t really a question but she was curious what Mary Margaret had to say in response.

 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

 

The unhelpful response made Emma groan and pinch the bridge of her nose. “I still love Regina, but what happened between us didn’t happen overnight, mom. We grew apart over many months and she barely seemed to notice.”

 

“I know sweetie.”

 

Mary Margaret walked over to the kitchen table and perched herself on the edge of it. “I know and I’m not going to tell you what to do, or what not to do. I don’t think I can even give you any advice on this, especially because I saw how utterly devastated you were the day you left town and I’m not sure I could ever forgive Regina for doing that to you. But if things between you two can be mended then it won’t happen with one agreement, or across one day either. It’s likely going to take many months as well.”

 

A lump lodged itself into her throat and she had to look away from her mother’s gentle gaze for a moment. Since many months weren’t in her planning for the foreseeable future after all and she knew both her parents would still be disappointed when she left again.

 

“That’s not an option, since I’m going to go back to NY tomorrow evening.”

 

“Then it’s not, no,” her mother simply agreed, apparently unfazed.

 

She walked back towards the sink and the sound of dishes being rinsed reached Emma’s ears as she mulled over her mother’s cryptic response in her head.

  


 

* * *

 

  
  


“Come on kiddo, just hold still for a minute more,” Emma muttered as she fumbled with a few strings of long brown hair. “I promise I’m almost done.” Not that her attempts helped much, she thought when Helena continued to rock on her chair impatiently. “There might even be cookies if you…”

 

“I want some cookies!” came the instant response, followed by Helena twisting her head around which pulled some of the hair out of Emma’s hands.

 

Emma sighed deeply and put one of her hands on the side of her sister’s head and pushed it so she was facing forward again. Braiding an ecstatic 5 year bundle of energy’s hair had seemed like a good idea initially. Until it came to the actual braiding that was.

 

“Everything going okay with the little monster?”

 

“Daddy!”

 

Emma sighed again and muttered a few expletives under her breath when Helena tried to stand up from the chair to rush towards her father.

 

“Sort of. You try braiding someone’s hair when they can’t sit still for 5 seconds. What the hell did you give her for breakfast? Pure sugar?” She shook her head bemusedly and grabbed a few hair pins from the table.

 

“I think your mother snuck in a little candy earlier, so you’d have to blame her not me,” her father said with a shrug of his shoulders. “She looks like a little angel though, that braid looks beautiful on her.”

 

“Yeah, she’s really quite the princess huh?” He smiled at her and she stole a quick glance at the suit he was wearing, having only caught a glimpse of it before. “You look really handsome yourself, dad, I can almost see why mom married you.”

 

A light swat against her arm was her reward and she flashed a quick toothy grin at him. Since she had left her parent’s house before her father had arrived back, she had kind of wondered if it might affect their relationship. While she never really had too deep conversations with her father he had still been there for her when she needed him to be. And she felt a little guilty when she got back to her room at Ruby’s for not waiting for him to return and talk to him a little.

 

Emma mused her mother had likely filled him in on what happened since he didn’t seem to different than his usual cheery self. He was however displaying his typical nervous tick of rubbing his thumb and index finger together. It also placed his visit to the small guest room she had appropriated for her and Helena to get ready for the ceremony, in a new light. Since he had to have known Mary Margaret had visited a few minutes prior, which made her think his own visit had more to do with distracting himself, instead of actually checking up on how his daughters were doing.

 

“Everything will go just as you guys planned it to, no worries,” she tried to assure him.

 

“I’m that obvious huh?”

 

“Hmm, yeah the way you’re rubbing your fingers together I’m wondering if there’s going to be anything left of them by the time the ceremony starts.”

 

He blinked and raised both of his hands to look at them, a sight that made her chuckle softly.

 

“Can I have cookie now?”

 

Smiling, Emma put in the last two pins to secure the braid and dropped down on her knees in front of her sister. “You can probably have that cookie now, kiddo. Want to look in the mirror first and see how beautiful you look?”

 

Helena’s brown eyes lighted up and she practically launched herself into Emma’s body.

 

“I guess that’s a yes,” David said with a laugh. “You two go check the mirror,” he continued and inclined his head towards Helena’s feet. “And I guess put on her shoes. I’ll go find a cookie for the little monster.”

 

Emma nodded and walked towards the set of chairs that was covered in clothes, grabbing Helena’s shoes from underneath one of them. A sideway look at the clock hanging near the doorway made her frown and glance over her shoulder at her father. “Better make it quick I guess, I think Jonathan is going to start up the music soon.”

 

“I’ll be right back,” David said and vanished through the door.

 

A cacophony of noise briefly entered the room as he opened it, before it became a muted background hum again and Emma wondered not for the first time if her father had actually been joking when he said her mother had invited half the town.

 

She got Helena to sit on the chair again so she could put on her shoes. “You doing okay Hel? If you need to go to the bathroom, we’re about to head there anyway so you can see what you look like in the mirror.” The last thing she could use was Helena needing to pee in the middle of the ceremony after all.

 

“Will you go with me?”

 

Helena was shifting around on the chair again and her eyes were trained on the door where David had left moments ago. Something about it all reminded Emma of herself whenever she was nervous and much rather wanted to be elsewhere. She hoped her father would return with the cookie soon because the distraction would be good for her sister.

 

“I’m going to be there this entire afternoon Hel, no worries.”

 

“And auntie Regina?” Helena still slightly slurred Regina’s name and even though her stomach dropped at the mention of her wife, the way Helena looked at her, all childlike exuberance and curiosity, helped with dissipating the tension she felt.

 

“I’m sure you’ll see her too, but she’s…” Emma hesitated, feeling tongue tied. It wasn’t something she had talked about with her little sister after all and she was fairly positive her mother hadn’t explained the situation either. Not that Emma thought Hel would understand how complicated these sort of things were, but she had been very fond of Regina and Emma wracked her brains as she tried to think of something to say.

 

“She’s not with me right now.” It was a lame way of explaining why she and Regina weren’t attending the ceremony together.

 

She was thankfully spared any further questions when the door opened and her father appeared again.

 

“I come bearing gifts.”

 

“Not a moment too soon either,” Emma mumbled as she took the offered trio of chocolate chip cookies from her father’s hands.

 

“Hel giving you trouble?” He whispered near her ears, though Helena was easily distracted when Emma handed her one of the cookies and didn’t seem to pay them any mind.

 

“Not really, but she was wondering about Regina.”

 

“Ah,” he said, giving her an encouraging smile that she drew some comfort from. It was followed by a ruffle through her hair and then he picked up Helena and raised her up in his arms, making her sister giggle around a mouthful of cookie crumbs.

 

“You be good to your big sister, listen to her and don’t run off anywhere by yourself, okay?” David put on his best serious face and Emma had to hide a chuckle by clapping a hand across her mouth.

 

The chuckle became louder when Helena pouted petulantly, and her father struggled to stay in serious parent mode. “Mom says Hel reminds her of me when I was her age. Was I really this bad?” she queried as she inclined her head at the big doe eyes of her sister.

 

“Worse actually.”

 

Emma laughed and flicked him across his head. “Come on, I’ll take care of the little monster, you need to go find mom and head to the garden before you’re late at your own wedding vow renewal.”

 

His eyes immediately zeroed in on the wall clock and he did look a little concerned for a moment. “Your mother would actually kill me if I did that so I better head out there, I’ll see you two in a few minutes.” He placed a kiss on Helena’s forehead and then left through the door.

 

“Let’s go to the bathroom kiddo.” She held onto Helena’s hand and walked through the hallway, ignoring the few people she came across. Most of them had already gone outside and she was thankful none of the people left inside the house tried to engage her in conversation beyond the odd greeting.

 

“See, you look like a little princess,” Emma said as she rose Helena up in front of the mirror.

 

Minus the small smear of chocolate near the corner of her mouth, Emma thought as she put Helena down again and dug through a few of the cabinets above the sink. She distinctly recalled there had been some tissues in one of them and sighed in relief when she found them after a few seconds of fruitless searching. She stashed a few in the purse she had brought with her, knowing from experience her sister had a tendency to get food everywhere except her mouth.

 

She guided Helena to sit on the edge of the bathtub and gently dabbed at the corner of her mouth. Though she was caught off guard when she felt her sister’s hands suddenly press against her cheek, making Emma wonder if she had done something wrong.

 

“You look beautiful too.”

 

Her mouth opened, but no words refused to come. Warmth bloomed in her chest at the comment and she smiled bittersweetly at Helena, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. She had missed out on a whole year of watching her sister growing up and the thought of missing more was knotting up her stomach with guilt.

 

“Thank you, Hel,” she mumbled while glancing sideways at the mirror, not really having paid that much attention to the way she looked before. And she did indeed look beautiful, the dress bringing out her eyes and subtle makeup making it seem as if she was glowing. It made her think of what Regina’s reaction would be if she saw her.

 

Swallowing, Emma refastened a few strands of hair that had escaped the braid with a pin and took Helena’s hand in her own again. “You ready to go out there kiddo?” She would stop by Kathryn on their way to the garden to retrieve the wedding rings and the pillow on which Helena would carry them. But after that she knew they were pretty much on their own and she still felt a tinge uncomfortable at the idea.

 

Helena squeezed her hand a little tighter when they actually walked through the garden and Emma squeezed back for a moment, smiling when her sister’s frightened eyes calmed when she looked up at her.

 

She ignored the people looking at her to the best of her ability, tuned out the hushed murmuring and the few fingers that were pointed her way. It felt almost like she was in a trance, the way she watched as the ceremony unfolded. She didn’t once glance at the crowd, afraid of what she would see if she did.

 

As Helena brought in the rings on the pillow, Emma forced herself to smile brightly. Her parents looked so filled with joy; the center of the ceremony and as they renewed their vows, Emma could sense the deep love they had for each other. Her throat constricted, but she kept looking at them, even when they put the rings on each other’s fingers.

 

People clapped and that’s when Emma’s head tilted and her eyes were drawn towards one particular spot in the crowd. She wasn’t even surprised when she noticed Regina looking right at her. Almost as if she had been waiting for that moment. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl and Emma wasn’t able to look away. Utterly captivated by the love that shone in Regina’s eyes. Something that cleaved right through her, with everything else giving away around them.

 

She knew it only lasted for seconds in reality. Seconds that ticked away and then the crowd’s cheering and people rushing in to celebrate her and her parents finally made her tear her eyes away from Regina’s form. When she looked at the same spot again a few seconds later, Regina was gone and Emma felt empty, a dull throbbing ache wrapping itself around her heart.

 

She weaved through the crowd and hugged her parents, feeling genuinely happy for them. But the smiles that followed for the variety of people that congratulated her were fake and forced and she felt the weight on her chest increase with every minute that passed. Her feet ached and she used the excuse of needing to sit down for a moment to finally escape from the festivities, needing a moment away from it all.

  


 

* * *

 

  


Her vision was clouded, a watery visage of blurry green imagery. But somehow she still managed to find the hard wooden bench that was situated behind the garden shed. Somehow she still managed to crash down onto it before the tears spilled across her cheeks, like a dam that finally burst. She placed her hand across her mouth to smother the worst of her choked sobs, though she knew if anyone was actually nearby they’d overhear her having a small breakdown.

 

She fumbled around with the purse she had brought with her and mentally thanked herself for having the foresight of putting a large wad of tissues in there. As she dug around in the purse however, her fingers touched the ring that she had placed in there earlier on the evening. Taking a few deep breaths, Emma curled her fingers around the ring and placed it into the palm of her other hand. It wasn’t often she looked at it in this way. It wasn’t often she got such a good look at it either. Strangely it felt much heavier like this than when the ring hung around her neck. She’d mull over why this was if she wasn’t already in such an emotionally frayed state. But at the very least she knew that it was a constant reminder of what she had left behind when she had fled town and she figured maybe that was enough for now.

 

Sighing, she leaned forward and rubbed at her ankles. The high heels she had chosen to wear today, and which had really accentuated the blue dress she had chosen for the occasion, hadn’t exactly been her usual choice of footwear. As a result her feet had been aching the past hour or so and she had been dying to get rid of them. She undid the straps, placing the heels next to her on bench and immediately pressed her bare feet down on the soft and cool grass with a soft sigh.

 

Grabbing the tissues again she dabbed at her face, hoping she managed to clean up the worst of the mess she made, while cursing herself for not bringing a pocket mirror with her. Though she didn’t need a mirror to know her eyes were likely red rimmed, a telltale sign she had been crying. That and her makeup was likely smudged and she puffed her cheeks at the thought of having to make her way through a crowd of people in order to get to her parents house and find a hopefully unoccupied bathroom.

 

Her gaze fell on the ring that sat in her other hand and she rubbed her thumb along the inscription absentmindedly. She realized someone had likely noticed how she was missing by now and there was of course the very real possibility her parents were aware of this fact as well. Another disappointment she could add to the ever growing list of her failures. Emma mused she might as well stay missing for a few minutes more. A respite from having to put up that mask again, all fake smiles and pretending not to notice the people pointing fingers and whispering behind her back. The pitiful looks when they thought she wasn’t looking. She’d been all too aware that the state of her marriage and her sudden return to town a few days ago were all people were gossiping about.

 

Closing her eyes Emma focused on the birds that were whistling on the branches of the trees behind the bench. Bright beams of sunlight were scattered by the canopy of leaves above her, but there were enough of them to warm her wherever they touched her body. Enough to lift the claminess of her cheeks and dry the remaining tear tracks.

 

She tuned out the noise of the festivities going on a small distance away and for a few long moments Emma allowed herself the illusion that this was just another ordinary day. An illusion that was shattered when she heard someone walking closer. The grass and a few fallen leaves making soft crunching sounds with every step. A shadow moved across her the same time she opened her eyes.

 

“I thought I had seen you wearing it.”

 

Emma figured by now she should be used to this, to Regina showing up at the most inopportune of times. A testy reply formed on her lips, but she was caught off guard by Regina standing so close to her. She raked her eyes across Regina’s form, admiring the silver dress with light blue accents that she had only seen from a distance up until now. The single strap of the dress was decorated with stones that glittered in the sunlight and seemed to create little dancing lights in Regina’s expressive brown eyes.

 

Brown eyes that weren’t looking at her, but at the ring that she was still clutching in one of her hands.

 

“Nice to know you’ve been following me around just to point that out.”

 

Something about Regina looking at the wedding ring bothered Emma too much to leave it out in the open and she quickly placed it back into her purse while attempting to control her rising anger. She had enough crap to deal with today, she didn’t need Regina adding to it as well.

 

“I haven’t..” Regina stopping mid-sentence peaked Emma’s curiosity enough to steal a quick glance her way and noticing how her posture changed towards a more guarded stance. “You seemed upset, I merely wanted to check up on you.”

 

“Of course you did,” Emma muttered, not bothering to hide her annoyance. More words were on the tip of her tongue. But they weren’t exactly kind and she’d really rather leave and go back to the festivities and mingle while she and Regina were still civil towards each other. Instead of it having end up into a shouting match that would be sure to draw every single guest’s attention to it.

 

“I didn’t seek you out to start a fight, but since you continue to make things difficult, I suppose I’ll take my leave again.”

 

Emma snorted as she stood up from the bench and turned Regina’s way. “I’m the one making things difficult?!” Her voice had risen steadily as she talked and Emma ground her teeth together a second later when realisation dawned on her that they did have an audience. A rather large one in fact. Her eyes nervously shot towards the clump of trees and the people walking back and forward nearby, but to her relief none of them seemed to pay them any mind.

 

“I didn’t come back here for you and yet you can’t seem to leave me alone.”

 

“Because unlike you, I don’t run away from my problems, I confront them.”

 

She took three quick angry steps Regina’s way, until their faces were mere inches apart. “That’s bullshit,” Emma hissed, “and you know it. I didn’t run away from any fucking problem. I ran away from you. Just you. And I will not let you pin the God damned blame on me instead.”

 

She clenched her jaw almost painfully after she finished talking and inwardly she was seething. Regina staring back at her coolly and unflinchingly only poured more oil on an already roaring fire and Emma felt that if she didn’t get away from there quickly things might escalate beyond a mere shouting match.

 

“I pin the blame on you because you are the one that left, Emma. You are the one that left town one day without any proper explanation beyond saying that you felt like I was I taking you for granted.” Regina’s eyes were shooting fire as she spoke. “Were you really that bored over here? Was life not as exciting as hunting down bail jumpers in the big city? Or was I just not enough for you?”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Emma queried. She was confused at the sudden turn the discussion had taken and quickly took a step backwards, needing to put space between them again.

 

“Just that it didn’t take you long at all to move on, now did it? I believe you were having quite a good time with some man over there.”

 

“What?!” She yelled out the word before she could catch herself and Emma immediately clamped a hand across her mouth afterwards. “I really don’t have a clue what you are talking about. There’s no guy in my life Regina. Jesus Christ, you really think I would just sleep around the moment I skipped town? We’re still married, remember?”

 

“Henry said..”

 

Emma groaned and lowered her face into her hands. “Of course he did,” she muttered while making a mental note to talk to the kid about not sharing every single thing she told him on whatsapp with his mother. “I ran into someone I knew when I was on a stakeout to catch a bail jumper and he flirted with me. That’s all that happened and that’s the exact same thing I told Henry.”

 

“I see.”

 

She expected more than that. Expected more angry accusations, perhaps more yelling. But nothing else followed and it took Emma by surprise. She studied the expression on Regina’s face for a second, unsure of what to make of her odd behavior. Unsure of what it meant considering where they stood with one another.

 

“Look,” she started after a moment’s hesitation, “I’ll likely go back to NY tonight so I would just appreciate it if we could avoid each other until then.”

 

She didn’t bring up the subject of a divorce on purpose, even though it was a constant thought in the back of her mind. But it would also be a finality, a point of no return and she never quite managed to go through with it. A part of her had even expected Regina to file for divorce first. Had expected the papers to arrive a few months down the line, but they never did. It was something that made her wonder. Made scenarios paint themselves across the time she had to fill during a stakeout. And she imagined Regina sitting at a table, in front of the signed divorce papers, but putting them away in a drawer instead of actually turning them in. It was a thought that haunted her and she had fervently tried to think of different things. But during those moments, when she sat silently in her car in the empty darkness of the night, her thoughts always started to drift. And they always drifted towards Regina.

 

“I suppose that shouldn’t come as such a surprise,” Regina said, her tone neutral as she turned to face the direction of the ongoing party. “I figured that if it was a possibility, you’d leave right now.”

 

Emma stole a quick glance at Regina, her eyes lingering on the shimmering in Regina’s eyes, before she sat back down on the bench. “You already know the answer to that,” she replied carefully. It wasn’t as if Regina hadn’t noticed how uneasy she had felt throughout her parent’s exchanging of vows and she saw no point to lie about it now.

 

Someone laughed loudly in the distance and Emma sighed as she grabbed her heels and put them back on. It would only be a few hours more now, but it might as well be days as far as she was concerned.

 

“I’m happy for my parents, I really am.” The words spilled across her lips before she had the chance to stop them. But she also knew that if anyone understood, it would be Regina. And that made it into a balancing act. To keep silent and swallow back the heartrending ache that was filling up her chest, or allow herself to breathe just a little more easily by putting some of her thoughts into words.

 

“But I can’t stop thinking about..” She doesn’t finish the sentence, her throat constricting painfully as she thought about the vows that her parents had shared with each other. But one look up at Regina’s face also made it clear to her that she didn’t need to finish the sentence. The mask had slipped and Regina looked pained, arms wrapped around herself protectively as she tucked her chin to her chest. And Emma wasn’t able to unglue her eyes from the sight of Regina looking so vulnerable and small.

 

“Is that why you didn’t wear the ring on your necklace today?”

 

She looked at the purse that contained the wedding ring and wondered when Regina had noticed her wearing it. Since it had mostly been hidden by her clothes and she hadn’t crossed paths with Regina that often the past few days. The only thing that sprung to mind was when Regina had basically blackmailed her into using the guestroom in her mansion the first night she had stayed in Storybrooke.

 

“I figured that people were gossiping enough as it stood, I wasn’t going to give them any extra fodder by wearing my wedding ring around my neck.”

 

“Why have you been wearing it around your neck?” It was asked softly, with clear hesitation and Regina still wasn’t looking at her but at some fixed point in the distance instead.

 

“Regina..” Emma sighed and curled her fingers around the purse in her lap. “Is there a point to this? I just explained to you that I’ll be leaving again tonight and I don’t..”

 

“I want you to make me understand.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

A twig snapped and some leaves rustled as Regina turned around and walked closer to where Emma was sitting. She stopped beside the bench and Emma was rendered speechless by the sunlight filtering through the branches showering Regina with an almost otherworldly glow. Regina placed her hand on top of the backrest before she finally looked up and locked her eyes with Emma’s own.

 

“You’re free to leave again, you’re free to do whatever you want Emma. But what happened between us.. I don’t..I..” Regina’s voice faltered and Emma swallowed thickly as she watched her struggle with something.

 

“Somewhere along the line something went wrong and I don’t understand what that was. So I think you at least owe me that before you leave. To make me understand.”

 

Something about the way Regina was looking at her made Emma want to reach out. Since she had seen that look before and it made her wonder if Regina had meant to say more. It made her wonder what Regina really was asking of her in the first place. But before she was able to say anything, Regina turned around and slowly walked away and Emma felt utterly lost as she stared after her until the silvery dress faded away into the crowd.

  


 

* * *

 

  


Emma knocked on the door and shifted from one foot to the other, rubbing her hands across her arms to chase away the cold. A few seconds passed and she bit the inside of her cheek, wondering if Ruby was perhaps still working at the diner after all. But when she knocked a second time she could hear some colorful expletives being yelled somewhere in the apartment followed by a shouted; “I’m coming, calm the fuck down.”

 

“Errr, sorry?” Emma mumbled when the door was opened, suddenly feeling a little self conscious about showing up on Ruby’s doorstep without warning. “If it’s a bad time I can come back later?”

 

The look on Ruby’s face could only be described as murderous and her eyes were narrowed to tiny slits as she stared at Emma. Some strands of her hair were plastered to her face and the shirt Ruby was wearing was put on backwards and inside out, obviously having been put on in a hurry. It only served to increase Emma’s guilt and her eyes flicked sideways to where she had parked her car haphazardly half on the curb.

 

“Damnit, sorry Em, I was taking a shower, I didn’t know it was you at the door.”

 

“I know, I didn’t mean to disturb you, so I can leave ag..”

 

“No, it’s alright,” Ruby interrupted immediately. “Come in, you look like you’re freezing out there.”

 

“Maybe a little, yeah,” Emma conceded her oversight of not taking her jacket along with her from the party. Ruby’s eyes travelled across her body and she pretended not to notice the inquisitive raise of an eyebrow and folded arms as Ruby wordlessly asked for an explanation.

 

“What?” Emma muttered as she made her way to the couch and took off her heels with a sigh of relief. “I’m not the one wearing my shirt inside out and backwards.”

 

“I’m not..” Ruby protested before she looked down and made a face. Without hesitation she tugged her shirt over her head, revealing she was wearing no bra underneath.

 

The impromptu flashing was enough for Emma to avert her eyes and complain loudly, “nice Rubes, really nice. Little warning next time would be great.”

 

The rich laugh that followed echoed around the living room and Emma shook her head.

 

“Well, you can see it as getting even for disturbing my shower. And at least I have an excuse for the way I’m dressed, what’s your reason for showing up at such a strange time, while you’re still dressed up to the nines no less. I figured you would’ve still been at your parent’s party.”

 

Emma sighed and rubbed at her face with the palms of her hands. A quick peek Ruby’s way revealed she was sitting on the edge of the coffee table, wearing the green t-shirt the proper way and her eyes firmly trained on Emma’s form.

 

“Regina,” Emma answered simply, figuring there was no reason to beat around the bush.

 

“Something happened between you two?”

 

“I think that describes every interaction between Regina and I, actually,” Emma stated wryly. “There’s always something happening between the two of us. And you know it’s funny,” she continued while she rubbed a little at her sore ankles, “because one moment I think she knows me so well and the next it’s like she doesn’t understand me at all.”

 

Ruby abruptly stood up from where she had been sitting, “I think this might be the situation to grab a drink or two. I got some beer in the fridge if you want some.”

 

“While the prospect of getting properly hammered seems like a good one considering the day I’ve had, I still think it’s better to get your advice while I’m still sober.”

 

“Water then?”

 

“Yeah,” Emma said, “water’s fine.” She heard Ruby rummage around in the adjacent kitchen and padded over to where she was, wanting to keep their conversation going while things were still fresh in her mind. Leaning against one of the walls, she licked her lips and caught the curious glance Ruby gave her as she removed two bottles of water from the fridge.

 

“My parents vow renewal was lovely by the way,” she started. “You should’ve seen Helena, she was so graceful and beautiful when she delivered the rings to them.”

 

“I feel a but coming on,” Ruby said. “Though I’m glad to hear everything went fine during the ceremony, I know your mother has been a nerve wreck these past couple of weeks.”

 

Without warning, Ruby threw one of the bottles towards her and Emma only barely had the presence of mind to catch it before it landed on the floor. Rolling her eyes she removed the cap from the bottle and took a sip.

 

“I saw Regina when my parents were renewing their vows and I don’t know, it’s like whatever was keeping me together was slowly starting to crack from that moment on. It just..” Emma swallowed and walked towards the kitchen table and hopped onto it, dangling her feet over the edge as she stared at the tiled floor. “It hurt I guess. Because I once thought that I had a marriage like that you know? And it hurt seeing Regina there, the way she looked at me..I can’t really describe it.”

 

She noticed Ruby walking over to the counter from the corners of her eyes, though she didn’t say anything and Emma was thankful for her silent support.

 

“She tracked me down a little later when I was trying to take a break.”

 

“Did you two fight?”

 

“No, not really I think.” Emma frowned and scratched at the label of the water bottle. “It’s more about what she asked of me that really got to me. She wanted me to make her understand.”

 

“What?” Ruby gave her a puzzled look and grabbed the nearest chair and sat down on it, her attention fully focused on Emma. “Understand what exactly?” Though before Emma could answer Ruby cut her off. “Why you left?”

 

“That’s probably part of it,” Emma said. It had taken some time before she had actually left her parent’s party but throughout it all she had mulled over the things Regina had said to her. “But her words were more along the line of what had happened between us that made me leave.”

 

“I thought you told her why you left.”

 

“I thought so too,” Emma answered softly as she took another sip from the water bottle. “I don’t really know Rubes, maybe she thinks things weren’t as bad as they were or something. Maybe she didn’t see it the way I did. She didn’t even notice things between us deteriorating. Hell, she seemed to think I moved out of town because I missed the big city life.” She barked out a bitter laugh.

 

“And now you want me to give you some advice on what to do next?” Ruby’s question was phrased carefully and Emma noticed the way she nervously played with a strand of wet hair.

 

“Actually I had kind of planned to talk to Regina already.”

 

“So..you want me to talk you out of it then?”

 

“Rubes…”

 

“Sorry,” Ruby threw her hands up, a mock exasperated look on her face. “But in all seriousness, I think you might have the right idea to talk to her.” Then she stood up and put two of her fingertips below her chin, forcing Emma to look up.

 

“Look,” Ruby continued and Emma watched her quietly, surprised by the affection that shone in Ruby’s eyes. “I’ve known you both for a while now and while I know I shouldn’t get involved and dispense advice, since this is something that’s between the two of you, it’s also clear as day to me that you love each other very much. It might not be enough to overcome what happened between the two of you, but I also think it can’t hurt to at least talk to Regina. Make her understand, like she asked you to.”

 

Emma sighed. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

 

Ruby tilted her head in response and Emma gave her a sheepish look.

 

“So you came over here to ask my advice on something you had already decided?”

 

“Actually I came over here to get a confirmation that my decision was the right one.”

 

“Oh,” Ruby whispered, a flush staining her cheeks that made Emma grin. “So what are you going to do next?”

 

“Probably put on some different clothes at least,” Emma muttered as she glanced down at her dress. “And I guess call Regina.” Which also brought her to another issue. “I was supposed to go back to NY tonight.”

 

“Supposed to?” And then she saw the realization dawn on Ruby’s face. “If you’re worrying about a place to stay, then I can assure you it really isn’t a problem if you want to rent your room for a few days longer. I think we have a few vacancies for the following week at least, so I should be able to shuffle some things around, it’s no trouble, truly.”

 

Emma sighed in relief and pulled Ruby in for a quick hug. “Thanks Rubes.” For a moment she closed her eyes and relaxed, before letting go of Ruby again. “I mean it, thank you for everything. I really needed someone to listen without judging.”

 

“Of course, you’re always free to stop by, you know that.” A lopsided grin curled the corners of Ruby’s mouth. “Even if it means you’ll interrupt a nice hot shower.”

 

“Good to know,” Emma said with a chuckle. “I’ll keep you informed, okay?”

 

Ruby nodded and Emma smiled at her one last time before putting on her heels and leaving the apartment.

  


 

* * *

 

  


Emma adjusted the red scarf that hung around her neck, thankful that it wasn’t as windy as she thought it would be. Though there was still a gentle breeze blowing out from across the sea, carrying a salty scent along with it and Emma breathed in deeply, closing her eyes briefly.

 

When she opened them again she felt her gaze drawn irrevocably towards the dark clad form standing halfway down the pier. She had spotted Regina pretty much since she had arrived at the harbor. Nightfall hadn’t completely set in yet and Regina’s body was half illuminated by the dim light exuded by one of the lanterns placed at certain intervals along the pier. Her arms were wrapped around herself and she seemed to be immersed in staring at the sea.

 

It made her seem unguarded, fragile even, her stance uncharacteristically protective. And the dancing waves in the background provided an odd contrast with the single smudge of darkness framed by the lantern’s light.

 

Emma tugged at the scarf once more, out of nervosity more so than it actually needing any more adjustment. The phone call earlier had been a loaded one after all, the tension palpable, even though they were half a town away from each other. It made her wonder what Regina had been thinking when she had suggested the pier as a meeting place. And, when she looked over at Regina now, her face obscured by the dark strands of hair freely moving around with the soft breeze, it made her wonder what she thinking whilst staring out at the sea.

 

“Hey.”

 

Regina was still facing away from her when she spoke and Emma floundered, all of the carefully constructed lines she had been practicing in the car flying right out of the window.

 

“Hi,” she muttered back instead, placing her hands in the pockets of her coat as she faced Regina. “Out of curiosity, why the pier?”

 

“Neutral ground,” Regina explained simply, her voice low and even. “I thought our..my house wouldn’t work as well, and I wasn’t looking forward to coming over to Ruby’s bed and breakfast and have her practically sell front row tickets to our conversation.”

 

Emma sucked in a sharp breath, the thought that Regina might still think about the house as theirs had caught her off guard. The rest of what Regina had said only slowly trickled through into her thoughts and she mumbled a soft distracted, “right,” when Regina expectantly looked her way after she had apparently stayed quiet for too long.

 

“Though I suppose that wasn’t really an option actually, since I presume you’ve already moved out of that room, as you are planning to go back to New York tonight after all.”

 

It was said a bit snidely, accusatory even and Emma pursed her lips, not really understanding what Regina was trying to do. But her body language and the dangerous glint in her eyes did give away she was spoiling for a fight. Or at the very least some sort of confrontation, one that Emma was determined to avoid.

 

“That’s isn’t..I don’t get what that has to do with anything,” she finally said, after a moment of silent contemplation. “I came here because you asked something of me. You asked me to make you understand, remember?” She saw the flicker of acknowledgement pass across Regina’s face, but it didn’t help Emma with sorting her thoughts and she blew out a long breath of frustration and threw her hands up. “But the truth is, I don’t even know where to start, Regina. Where the hell do you even want me to start?”

 

“What happened between us Emma?”

 

The way Regina practically whispered the question stunned Emma and she shot a furtive glance her way, unsure if the wavering of Regina’s voice had just been a figment of her imagination.

 

“That’s where I want you to start. What happened that made you leave? Because you left me with more questions than answers.”

 

Regina turned to face her, arms wrapped around herself and undefinable emotion clearly shining in her eyes. And if Emma were to describe the expression that now resided on her face, the only thing she could come up with was that Regina looked utterly lost. Stripped bare, as if teetering on some invisible edge. It was enough to make all the words that tumbled through her head momentarily die in her throat.

 

All Emma was able to do was stare at Regina, without knowing how to answer. But some of the memories still lingered in the back of her mind. Some of the pain and frustration she had felt that had just kept piling up month after month. And even now, Regina apparently didn’t seem to understand the damage she had wrought.

 

“You really don’t know, do you?” Emma grit out, her voice strained and her body taut with the tension that coursed through her in waves. “Even when I told you, when I left, that I was tired of how you took me for granted, that I was tired of how you made me feel as if I was something to use when convenient before being discarded again.”

 

Brown eyes darkened with resentment and Regina’s jaw clenched. “That’s not at all how I treated..”

 

“You did,” Emma practically hissed. She removed her hands from the pockets of her coat and balled them to fists. “You can’t tell me you don’t remember my father’s birthday.” Then she laughed humorlessly and got into Regina’s face, “I guess you don’t actually, since you never showed up, remember? Do you even have a clue what I went through that day, Regina? Do you understand how difficult it was to smile and pretend that everything was fine? How I made up various excuses to explain that you were late at first, before realizing that you weren’t ever going to arrive.”

 

“I explained to you at the time why I was unable to attend your father’s birthday party,” Regina muttered, though it lacked the usual conviction and Emma held her eyes, searching for something to make her understand what Regina was thinking. “I also apologized to you and your father and stopped by later to congratulate him.”

 

“So that suddenly made it okay?” It was a rhetorical question but Emma saw Regina’s eyes flicker and her mouth open to reply. “Just like apologizing made it okay for you to skip out on everything else and left me to fend for myself? You were so busy with your reelection you didn’t even notice that we barely saw each other anymore.”

 

Emma swallowed around the constriction in her throat, overwhelmed by the emotions that welled up from deep within. The months she spend getting more embittered by the day. How it had felt to get her heart broken, piece by piece and Regina had never seemed to notice. She breathed harshly and turned around, crashing down on a nearby bench as she tried to fight the tears that burned in her eyes.

 

“You know what was the worst thing?” She didn’t wait for a reply, staring at the sea as her heart ached with grief. “That I kept thinking that things would get better. I thought we just needed a few moments alone, away from the work that kept us separated. So I arranged for a free day, and even though you still insisted you had to go to your office, I figured I could at least surprise you. I prepared some steak and bought a nice expensive red wine, set up some candles. And you said you would be home in time for dinner, so I thought..”

 

Emma glanced up at Regina, wondering if she had yet figured out what day she was talking about.

 

“I thought maybe..” Her vision became blurry and Emma tucked her chin to her chest, her throat thick with emotion. “I sat there and waited and then you called that of course, you were going to run a little late. And I waited and waited and you didn’t even bother to respond to my own calls anymore. I blew out the candles and sat there in the darkness for hours, Regina. I just sat there and it was as if something shattered within me because I realized you were putting your job ahead of me. You had been putting your job ahead of me for months now and you didn’t even seem to notice how it was affecting me.”

 

“I do remember that day, Emma.”

 

She could feel Regina’s eyes on her but Emma refused to look up. Hot tears were running down her face unchecked, scalding her cheeks and she choked back the sobs that welled up in her throat.

 

“Do you?” She questioned, not caring any longer that her voice was a trembling mess. “Do you remember when you came home and the only thing you did was say sorry? Again? As if that made everything okay. You said sorry and pressed a kiss to my cheek, saying you had already grabbed a quick bite at the office and how you were going to take a shower before heading to bed. And then you went upstairs and you never even seemed to notice the dress I was wearing. You never noticed the stuff I put on the table in the living room, the dinner I had prepared for us that had gone cold hours before.”

 

For a moment she closed her eyes, causing more tears to leak from the corners of her eyes. “It was our one year anniversary and you forgot and I realized I couldn’t do that anymore.”

 

Emma wiped away some tears , more sensing than seeing how Regina walked up to where she was sitting. But the silence was unbroken and the only sounds were the waves crashing against the pier and the shrill cries of the few remaining birds flying overhead.

 

“Is that your only way to respond to everything I said?” Emma questioned, after she had cleared her throat a few times. “Staying silent? Or are you just trying to think of some excuses. Maybe more apologies? Since that worked out so well didn’t it? Saying how you’re sorry and think that magically fixes everything.”

 

“Black and green.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

She thought she had misunderstood it at first, but then Regina repeated the three words and Emma just stared at her dumbfounded.

 

“Your dress. It was black and green. I did notice some things Emma.”

 

Regina sat down at the other end of the bench and Emma couldn’t help but glance over to her. Even now, while she felt emotionally drained, was fraying at the edges, she couldn’t help but feel drawn towards the woman she still loved, despite everything. Drawn mostly towards the clearly readable emotions in dark brown eyes, the pain that glinted in their depths. And it made Emma wonder if it was something mirrored in her own eyes. How much all these things between them went so wrong and caused so much pain. How much it reminded her of the saying of always hurting the ones you love the most.

 

“Just not the things that I should have noticed. The things that were important.” Regret laced Regina’s voice as she spoke and she was fixated on some undefinable point in the distance, as if lost in her memories. “I talked to your mother after you left and it was only then that things began to click. But I thought it was just one thing, one occasion. I thought that it couldn’t possibly be the reason you left. I thought that..”

 

“You thought what?”

 

“I don’t know, Emma. I had noticed you were more withdrawn, but I didn’t really understand why.”

 

“And you didn’t ask,” Emma added with a sigh. A few strands of hair clung to her wet cheek and she tucked them behind her ears.

 

“And you didn’t tell me anything,” Regina replied, turning to face Emma. Her face was half obscured by darkness but Regina’s lips trembled and her fingers were plucking away uselessly at the fabric of the black coat she was wearing.

 

“As if you would’ve listened,” Emma stated bitterly. Without really thinking about it, she stood up from the bench and walked up towards the wooden railing of the pier. She leaned against it, the edges of her scarf caught by soft gusts of wind as she peered into the direction of the lighthouse.

 

“You were too occupied with your work, with your reelection.”

 

“You are right.”

 

It was a concession Emma hadn’t expected from Regina. And she surmised the expression on her face as she glanced across her shoulder likely said as much.

 

“I was too busy with my reelection. Even Henry noticed. And I guess that...” Emma could hear how Regina swallowed audibly. “When you left, I buried myself into my work. And when I was reelected, it left me empty Emma. I never wanted to put my job above you. I never meant to make you feel unwanted, taken for granted. I wish you would’ve told me about how you felt, I wish you would’ve just talked to me.”

 

Emma felt something within her shift, Regina spoke with so much sorrow seeping through her words that she couldn’t think of an appropriate response. The thought that she too had been responsible for the conflict that had arisen between them was a sobering one. A pang of regret settled in her chest and she turned around, surprised to find Regina standing right in front of her.

 

“Perhaps you are right about that too,” Emma said softly, strangely transfixed by the way Regina was studying her.

 

“For what it’s worth,” Regina spoke up. Her eyes still flicked across Emma’s face, never lingering anywhere for more than a few seconds. “When you left I did realize the amount of time and effort I’ve been putting into my work wasn’t worth it. I felt it put a strain on my relationship with Henry and I suppose it also caused more damage to my marriage with you than I had initially thought. I believed that if you came back, then work would get in the way of trying to mend my relationship with you.”

 

One of Regina’s hands reached out and Emma’s breath caught when the pads of Regina’s fingers slowly traced down her arm before curling around her hand. Catching onto one of her fingers in particular. The one on which she had been wearing her wedding ring and Emma’s eyes shot up in surprise.

 

“I never realized it was one of the biggest causes behind the rift between us. But..this will be my last term,” Regina murmured as she stepped away and turned to the side. “Kathryn has been doing pretty well filling in lately so I might even step down earlier and have her take over before my current term is up.”

 

She smiled faintly then and Emma could feel her heartbeat accelerate. Even with her hair mussed by the wind and looking as worn out as she did, Regina was still breathtakingly beautiful when she smiled. As faint as it was, it still made her entire face light up, until it reached her eyes and almost caused them to sparkle in the dull light exuded by the lantern.

 

“I never wanted you to quit your job.” It made her feel a little guilty for apparently being responsible for Regina stepping down as Mayor.

 

“It’s just a job, Emma,” Regina said softly as she tucked a few strands of hair behind one of her ears. “I did enjoy it for some time, but I’ve come to realize it’s not as important to me as I thought. Besides,” she said, her head tilting slightly towards Emma. “It wasn’t something I wanted to do forever. I think I mentioned to you a few times how I had always dreamed of running a small farm ever since I was little.”

 

“You did, yeah,” Emma murmured, her brows creasing as she slowly started to catch up to what Regina was implying. “You actually bought one, didn’t you?” She gasped out in surprise as a lightbulb finally switched on inside her head.

 

“Why did you think I put the mansion for sale?”

 

“Oh.” It wasn’t her most eloquent response, but it was all she was able to say in reply to Regina’s revelation. Though she was also very well aware of the fact that nothing that Regina had told her would suddenly fix anything between them. But at least it was something, she thought as she caught the inquisitive look Regina was sending her way.

 

“I realize it won’t fix anything between us,” Regina put her unspoken thoughts into words. “But I just wanted you to know this before you left.”

 

The last three words Regina uttered made Emma close her eyes and suck in a few harsh breaths. Because she realized her mother was right when they had talked about the possibility to mend things. That it would certainly take weeks at least, if not months. But Emma could see the beginnings of it now. Feel the sparks of hope that bloomed up in her chest. It would take time, and it wasn’t ever going to work if she moved back to New York tonight.

 

She still felt as if she was teetering on the edge, but she no longer feared falling.

 

“And what if I stayed?”

 

Regina’s mouth actually fell open and Emma could see the embers of the same hope she felt, burn away in Regina’s eyes.

 

“I..”

 

“For a few days at least?” Emma suggested, smiling faintly when Regina nodded wordlessly.

  


 

* * *

 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

 

 

* * *

 

 

The bell chiming loudly when Emma opened the door made her cringe and pull a face and she glared at it, as if that would suddenly make the ear splitting noise stop.

 

“Emma?”

 

“Hey dad,” Emma greeted him. Then she turned around mid-way to the reception desk. “You ever thought of replacing that thing before you get sued for causing people to become hearing impaired?”

 

He laughed and it made her heart soar, feeling genuinely at ease for the first time in days.

 

“It’s Jonathan’s and I think it has some sentimental value for him or something.” A grin tugged the corners of his lips upwards as he placed his elbows on the desk and leaned forward conspiratorially, “but between you and me, it might just mysteriously go missing one of these days, and if it so happens to land somewhere on the trash heap, then that would just be too bad, now wouldn’t it?”

 

“My lips are sealed,” Emma said as she made a zipping motion.

 

“I didn’t know you were going to stop by though. Want a coffee?”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Emma said as she walked around the desk and peered into the small halfway behind it. “Dogs seem to be making quite a ruckus,” she observed.

 

“Yeah I think it might be that damned door bell actually,” David muttered. “We got one new stray, a young golden retriever that was clipped by a car when he crossed the road and the driver brought him in here. Seems he’s been a bit on the edge, though he’s recovering well and seems to have a nice personality. If we can’t find the owner we might be able to find a home for him within a reasonable amount of time.”

 

Emma nodded before she leaned against the desk and looked outside at the cars passing by. “And to answer your question, I figured since my phone call to mom this morning was a bit cryptic, I’d stop by here and explain things a bit more clearly. You know how I am when it comes to talking on the phone.”

 

Even with the excuse, Emma was reminded of all the times her parents had called and tried to get an answer out of her about attending their vow renewal and Emma puffed up her cheeks, knowing it was likely still a sore point.

 

“Yeah, your mother only seemed to know that you were staying in town for a little longer. Like a week or so?”

 

“Yeah,” Emma reiterated his words, “a week or so.”

 

“Regina?”

 

It was a simple question, but a loaded one and Emma wondered how it was possible to ask a million things by uttering just one word.

 

“We..talked about some things.” Emma licked her lips and thought about the way she and Regina had parted ways after agreeing to meet again the next day, and emotion swelled in her chest. “I’m not sure if we’ll be able to work it out but...we’re trying something at least. I guess it’s going to be a slow process.”

 

Her father to his credit, always seemed to know when to lighten the mood and the way tiny mischievous lights sparkled in his eyes made her raise an eyebrow at him in silent question. “Yes?” she finally asked, knowing she was walking right into his trap, but unable to stop herself.

 

“Just that slow isn’t the word I would use when it comes to the two of you.”

 

Emma groaned. “Mom said something to you?” Wait, you know what, don’t answer that, I don’t even want to know.” She pulled a face and hid her face into her hands in mock embarrassment.

 

Her father chuckled and she shot him a glare. “I’ll remember that for the future, just so you know,” she warned him, with a bemused shake of her head.

 

“But in all seriousness though, Emma, I’m glad you managed to sort a few things out with Regina.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and she smiled and squeezed it, thankful for the supportive gesture. “And you do seem different. I would say as if a burden has been lifted from your shoulders. You were looking so haunted when you stopped by at our apartment a few days ago.”

 

“It does feel as if a burden has been lifted yeah,” Emma acknowledged. She ducked her head and stared at her boots, some of the earlier guilt she felt resurfacing. “I still feel like I should apologize for not staying in contact with you and mom.”

 

“It’s okay Emma, though I know your mother was hurt quite a bit by how you shut her out. I suppose mending that might be something that’s going to be a slow process as well.”

 

“Right, yeah.”

 

“But since you’re staying in town for a few days longer, how about you come over for dinner tomorrow night, or the night after that, whatever works out better for you. I think your mother would appreciate that a lot.” David smiled at her. “She’s missed having you over for dinner while you were gone. More than she’ll likely admit.”

 

Emma returned the smile, before looking at her watch and realizing she was going to be late for the lunch meeting she had arranged with Henry at Ruby’s. “I think in two days might be the best for now, I have no idea how things are going to go between Regina and I, or if she has something in mind for tomorrow, so..”

 

“That will be fine, no worries,” David said. “I guess you got somewhere else to be though?”  
  


“Yeah, I agreed to meet with Henry.” She sighed and thought about the back and forward messages on whatsapp. He had seemed a bit too excited and Emma feared that he would get his hopes up too soon, believing everything could get fixed within a few days.

 

“You can say hi to him from me, and tell him that he’s still welcome to stop by later today or tomorrow, we’ve got a few puppies I’m sure he’d love to see.”

 

“I think I’ll wait with breaking that news until at the end of the lunch, because he’d likely just about bounce right out of the diner with excitement if I told him about puppies at any time before that.”

 

Her father laughed heartily and she let out a small chuckle of her own, mentally picturing the way Henry’s eyes would light up like a christmas tree. “But I’ll tell him. See you later, dad.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey kid, already ordered I see,” Emma greeted him with a snort, noticing the mountain of fries piled on his plate as she sat down in the booth opposite of him.

 

Henry smiled at her, then shrugged. “I was hungry.”

 

“Yeah, when are you not. It’s also rude to not order for others.”

 

She ignored the narrowed eyed glare he send her way when she snagged a few fries of his plate and wolfed them down. “Nice try Henry, but that only works if your mother does it.”

 

“I’ll figure it out some day,” he grumbled around a few of the fries he stuck into his mouth. “But you know she was smiling this morning when she told me you were staying in town for a few more days.”

 

“Yeah about that…”

 

“I know,” he interrupted and she rose her eyebrows at him. “Mom said to not expect too much. But I guess that means even if you leave, there’s a bigger chance you can come by more often in the future?”

 

“Maybe, Henry, I don’t know yet, okay? Your mom and I..we’re trying to figure a few things out. And it’s not easy and it might take some time. But we’re..better now I guess, so maybe is all the answer I can give to you right now.”

 

He nodded and ate a few more fries and she sighed, feeling as if the least she could do considering how she had left over a year ago, was try to make it up to him in some form or way. She waited until Ashley had taken her order before snatching another of his fries, laughing when he tried to steal it back.

 

“How do you feel about playing some ball in the park tomorrow afternoon? We could grab some ice cream afterwards if that’s okay with your mother.”

 

“Really? Cool,” Henry said and the clear joy shining in his eyes made Emma feel more at ease instantly.

 

“Still gotta run it by your mother first, kid, but yeah we’ll keep in contact about it on whatsapp, deal?”

 

She held out her fist and grinned when he bumped it.

 

“Let’s see if you’re able to actually catch a ball this time.”

 

A fry was tossed her away and Emma was barely able to avoid it, laughing as she grabbed it from the floor and placed it on a napkin on the table.

 

“Oh and David mentioned you could stop by later today, or tomorrow at the animal shelter, to check out some of the new puppies.”

 

“They’ve got new puppies?!” The way his voice rose made her glance around the diner nervously while at the same time regretting her spontaneous decision to tell him right now instead of waiting until they were outside.

 

“Uhm..”

 

He got up from his seat and grabbed his rucksack and Emma scrubbed at her face, knowing without a doubt he was going to insist on seeing them right away.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Just so you know, dear, if Henry brings home a puppy one of these days, I’m holding you personally accountable for it.”

 

The teasing words were accompanied by an outstretched hand that held a large cup of coffee in it and Emma wrapped her fingers around the cup and looked over at Regina as she sat down next to her on the bench. To her surprise she had arrived in the park before Regina did and she had been immersed in watching people mill about, not really noticing Regina’s arrival.

 

“I can’t believe you’re blaming me for that,” Emma replied with a grin, “it was David’s idea, not mine, so if you feel like issuing any more of your famous death threats, you can send them his way. But if the kid does bring a puppy home, I can’t say I’d blame him, they were entirely too cute, Regina.”

 

“So they were,” came the quiet response. A beatific smile curved Regina’s lips and Emma was stunned for a moment. Her eyes drifted towards Regina’s lips, before she caught herself and Emma blushed a little as she turned and faced the pond at the other side of the park.

 

“He was elated and talking a mile a minute when he got home, Emma. It was a nice thing you did for him, I appreciate it.”

 

“Yeah,” Emma hummed, taking a small sip from the scalding hot coffee. “I enjoyed spending time with him, even if I had to share the attention with a litter of pups.” The chuckle that followed made her stomach do flips and Emma swallowed and stole a quick glance Regina’s way. And when Regina looked right back at her, it felt like a balm that eased her soul, as if something slid right back into place.

 

“He also mentioned you wanted to go to the park tomorrow, after school.”

 

Emma nodded, nervously fumbling with the lid of her coffee cup. “Only if that’s okay with you. I thought it would be fun to play ball, maybe grab some ice cream.”

 

“I have no qualms about you spending any time with him, Emma, I think you know that.”

 

There was however an unspoken ‘but’ hanging in the air and Emma sighed, knowing Regina was still concerned. And rightfully so.

 

“I talked to him about having any unrealistic expectations.”

 

“I figured you did,” Regina replied. Emma could feel Regina’s gaze travel across her body and she shifted on the bench. “As did I. I suppose I’m worried he thinks too lightly of of things.”

 

“I’m worried he will still be disappointed when I have to leave again,” Emma confided.

 

There was no answer initially, but Emma could practically see the wheels spinning in Regina’s head. Since Emma was all too aware that her eventual departure from the town, no matter if she would return again afterwards, was still going to leave its mark on people.

 

“He might. I don’t think there’s anything you could say to him now that would help with that.”

 

“Yeah,” Emma murmured on a somber tone, “I know. I’ll still try to talk to him tomorrow. It might not do much, but perhaps it will soften the blow.”

 

Regina stared at her and Emma frowned, wondering if she had perhaps said something wrong. But then she realized Regina was staring at something else and Emma glanced down, at the ring she was twisting around between her fingers.

 

“Sorry,” she muttered, unsure what exactly she was apologizing for. But the wistful look in Regina’s eyes was making her heart clench.

 

“It’s alright, dear.” Regina’s voice was hoarse and her fingers were clutching the coffee cup that sat in her lap. “It just surprises me every time when I see you wearing it around your neck.”

 

“I’ve wondered where your ring was,” Emma confessed. It was a risky question and she could feel her palms start to get sweaty.

 

“The first drawer of my nightstand.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’ve..” Regina scraped her throat and tucked her chin to her chest, dark tresses obscuring her features. “Not too long after you left, I retrieved it every night. I stared at it in the darkness, wondering where you were or what you were doing. I was..upset and angry at first, even threw it across the room a few times.”

 

“Regina I’m..”

 

“I know, Emma, I know.” Regina’s voice was trembling and when she looked up for a brief moment Emma could see her eyes becoming liquid. “It was..I was coming to terms with what happened I suppose. After those first few months, I only looked at it every now and then. I was still somewhat angry, but most of all I missed you. I think the ring...having it close by made me think that maybe some day you’d come back and we could fix things. But then more months passed and I… I just wasn’t able to part from it.”

 

“Why did you never file for a divorce?” The words slipped out before Emma was able to stop them and she apologized for them right away. “Shit, I’m sorry Regina I don’t know what…”

 

“But it is a good question isn’t it?”

 

The tone Regina used wasn’t accusatory at all but Emma still glanced at her warily. It had been something playing at the forefront of her thoughts for some time now after all. But they had just reached a tentative understanding, created the uttermost delicate foundation for them to build upon. Asking about divorces now of all times made her wish she could rewind time and take it back. And Emma cursed her bluntness and inability to keep her mouth shut instead of actually properly thinking about the things she said.

 

“I actually assumed you would be the one to file for one. Since you were the one that left after all. But then I realized, as the months passed, that you were likely never going to. It made me feel conflicted.” Regina looked up and right at her and Emma stopped breathing for a moment, caught by the intensity of the stare.

 

“On one hand I was wishing you did file a divorce, since at least then I would know it was final, that you weren’t coming back. But on the other hand..”

 

“I..I couldn’t do it,” Emma whispered, swallowing around the lump in her throat. “I thought that with time I’d get over it. That I would slowly learn to let go but you were always on my mind. I felt like a ghost, leading the life I led over there, moving from one day to another. Nothing really made me happy, I just felt..numb.”

 

She registered Regina standing up from her periphery, leaving the coffee cup behind on the bench. The way Regina’s arms wrapped around herself reminded Emma of the night before and she mused it was a relatively new thing. A way to protect herself. As if something had repeatedly hurt her and Emma felt her gut twist when the thought struck her that she might be the cause for it.

 

“I actually did request the papers. I even filled in all of the fields.”

 

“But then you put them into a drawer and never pulled them back out.”

 

The way Regina instantly turned around and gaped at her told Emma she was right with her assessment.

 

“I do know you, Regina,” she said simply.

 

“It..it physically pained me to fill in those forms. And when I was done..I just couldn’t go through with it. I realized then, even months down the line, that I still loved you so very much.”

 

The last words were said breathlessly. And Emma could only stare, unable to pull her eyes away from Regina’s face. From all the things that Regina’s eyes said to her, that words never could.

 

A hand was extended and Emma took it without hesitation, allowing herself to be pulled into an embrace that brought tears to her eyes.

 

“I love you, Emma.” It was whispered near her ears, a breathy exhale against the sensitive skin of her throat. “I missed you, and I love you so very much.”

 

“I know,” Emma’s voice shook, but she didn’t care. One of her hands weaved through Regina’s silky hair and with the other Emma gently stroked across her back. “I do love you too.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Fantastic,” Emma grumbled as the first thick droplets landed on her face. Of all the times she chose to actually walk somewhere, instead of taking her car, it had to start raining.

 

She uttered some more expletives under her breath and started to run, eyes scanning the street as she searched for some kind of shelter. A loud thunderclap resounding in the distance made all of her hairs stand on end and Emma growled, internally debating whether or not to head back to her parents place. But she figured that she was closer to Ruby’s B&B by now and whichever way she went she was very likely going to resemble a drowned cat by the time she got there.

 

Tree branches swept wildly back and forward above her head as she walked past some people’s backyards. What little protection they offered was a slight reprieve from the rain that started to pour down from the skies. Puddles were forming on the street and Emma cursed, her wet leather jacket chafing against her bare arms underneath with every step she took.

 

A loud honk made her jump up and curse out loud. She turned around furiously, her dripping hair blurring her vision and making it hard to see who had stopped next to the sidewalk. Until she noticed what kind of car it actually was. The door opened almost at the same time and Emma’s mouth fell open in disbelief.

 

“Get in the car before you start to melt.”

 

“I thought that only happened to wicked witches of the west,” Emma grumbled a bit peevishly as she sat down in the passenger seat. Something immediately poked into her backside and she yelped and glared at the seat behind her before turning towards Graham with murder in her eyes.

 

“I see you still didn’t bother fixing this damned seat.”

 

“A simple thank you for picking up your dripping self would’ve sufficed, you know.”

 

Though it was said teasingly and the twitching of Graham’s lips gave away he was merely amused by her antics.

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” She rolled her eyes and combed through her unruly hair. “Thank you for saving my sorry ass from this downpour from hell.”

 

“I guess the weather has been a bit treacherous as of late.” He stopped in front of a red light and glanced over to her. “Want me to drop you off at Ruby’s?”

 

“Yeah,” she said, a bit absentmindedly as they passed a bunch of neon signs. “That would be great, thank you.”

 

He nodded and she looked away from him, her thoughts straying towards the dinner she had with her parents. How it had gone better than expected. At least until they reached the topic of how long she was going to stay in town. A question she still wasn’t sure of how to answer. She figured the end of the week would be good, there were still some things in NY she had to take care of after all.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

She flashed him a soft smile, realizing her troubled thoughts had likely been easily readable on her face.

 

“Yeah, just thinking, I guess there’s just some things I have to sort out for myself.” Which also made her think about the discussion she had with him the previous day. “Though speaking of sorting out, did you find your new deputy?” There had been one or two applications that seemed promising enough when he showed them to her.

 

“Not really.” He scratched at the scruff on his chin and Emma raised an eyebrow at him, recognising the familiar gesture as a sign that he was nervous about something.

 

“Graham…” she sighed as realization dawned on her. “That’s just not fair you know?”

 

“I know,” he replied softly, sounding genuinely remorseful. “I just wanted to leave the option open for you. Especially after you told me you were going to stick around for a few more days.”

 

“It doesn’t mean anything just yet,” Emma murmured. She wiped away some of the water that ran down her cheeks in rivulets and pursed her lips. “And by doing that you’re saying you have some expectations and that’s just not fair,” she repeated. “I don’t know what’s going to happen yet Graham. I’m going to leave again in a few days and I might come back and be able to sort out the mess that is my marriage, or I might decide it’s not salvageable after all.”

 

“No expectations then.”

 

Emma sighed again. “Just...give me some time okay? I’m working through things and the last thing I need right now is extra pressure.” Then she smiled gently at him, “though I do appreciate it and I can at least admit I have missed the job.”

 

“And the job missed you,” Graham joked.

 

Emma chuckled and stared out of the window.

 

“We’re nearly there,” Graham said, answering her unspoken question of how close they were.

 

She thought she recognised a few of the shops, but the heavy rain made it hard to determine which street they were on. A sigh of relief escaped her at the thought of getting to her room and taking a nice long and hot shower. The wet clothes sticking to her skin made her feel uncomfortable and cold and she shivered ever so slightly.

 

Her eyes suddenly popped open and she dug around in the pockets of her red jacket, retrieving her phone. It was slightly wet but flipping open the case revealed it was still working properly. For now. There were a few new whatsapp messages and Emma tapped on the ones that had come from Henry, a smile curving her lips.

 

And she didn’t know whether it was because her mind lingered on the time they had spend in the park the previous day. Or if it was the pictures painted across her thoughts of Regina arriving there at some point and treating them to hotdogs. But she hadn’t seen Regina since and Emma ached for something she couldn’t put a name to.

 

And her time was running short

 

“Graham, could you...can you please drive me to Regina’s place instead?”

 

“I..” he did give her a puzzled look, but thankfully didn’t fire off a million questions. “Yeah, of course I can.”

 

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

 

The car ride was silent though she caught a few of the glances he threw her way. “Sorry,” she said when she noticed Regina’s house looming up ahead of them, “I didn’t mean to make you drive me around…”

 

“It’s okay Emma.” The smile he gave her could only be described as encouraging. “I understand. We can talk later if you want, maybe grab a beer.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.”

 

Emma got out of the car and waved to him, before walking up to the door, feeling her insides knot up the closer she got. It was only after she had knocked on the door that she realized how she must look like. Soaked to the bone, her hair a tangled mess.

 

“Shit,” she cursed.

 

“Excuse me?” Regina blinked at her, one eyebrow raised and holding the doorknob in one of her hands.

 

“Uhm, that wasn’t meant for you, sorry,” Emma fumbled with the hem of her wet jacket. “I thought that..I wanted to..” She hemmed and hawed and felt color rise to her cheeks when she couldn’t put into words as to why she had come to Regina’s door at this time of the night.

 

“No offense dear, but you look absolutely terrible.”

 

“Yeah, who knew that would happen if you go outside without an umbrella while there’s a torrential rain going on,” Emma joked while pulling a face.

 

“Do you want to come in?”

 

“Yeah…” Emma whispered almost shyly.

 

“Mom? Who’s at the door?” Then Henry’s head popped around the corner of the hallway and Emma watched his expression change from annoyed to joyful in a split second. “Emma! I didn’t know you were going to stop by tonight.”

 

“To be honest, I didn’t know I was going to, either, kid,” Emma said as she plucked at the wet sleeves of her jacket.

 

“Take off that awful red jacket of yours before you catch a cold,” Regina chided, before disappearing down the hallway. She came back a second later with a stack of towels and handed them over to Emma with a disapproving shake of her head.

 

“I’ll make you some hot chocolate, since it looks like you could use something to warm you up.”

 

“Uhm, thanks,” Emma muttered.

 

“Does that mean I have to wait even longer before we can continue with the movie?” Henry complained, reminding Emma more of a petulant 5 year old than a teenager in that moment.

 

“No, it’s alright Henry, you can continue watching it, since there isn’t much plot to be found in it anyway, I can likely skip 10 minutes of it without missing any significant developments.”

 

Emma blinked and turned from Regina to Henry, raising her eyebrows as she rubbed her clammy hands together. “Action movie?” she guessed.

 

“Avengers,” Henry answered simply and Emma shrugged.

 

“Close enough I guess. Explains why your mom isn’t impressed with the material.”

 

“I think she enjoys it more than she lets on,” Henry whispered as they walked into the living room. Then he grinned and handed her the bowl of popcorn as she sat down and wrapped one of the towels around her neck.

 

“I’m glad you’re here though.”

 

“I’m glad your mom actually allowed me inside, considering I’m dripping all over the floor and her furniture,” she joked, not wanting to think of all the times they had sat in this very same room watching a movie together.

 

But she was unable to stop herself from looking around the room. She hadn’t really stolen more than a quick glance when Regina had allowed her to crash into the guest room some days ago, too much in a hurry to get back out of the house again in the morning.

 

Henry unpaused the movie and Emma’s attention was drawn to some action scenes on the screen. A mug of steaming hot chocolate appeared in her vision and she mumbled a quick thanks, her eyes locking with Regina’s own.

 

The moment broke when there were some loud bangs coming from the speakers and Emma’s heart skipped a beat. When she looked back over at Regina she was sitting on the couch opposite of her, paying more attention to Emma than the movie.

 

She sipped the chocolate quietly, enjoying how the hot liquid spread warmth across her belly. It made her feel drowsy and she leaned back against the pillows, her eyes trained on the destruction playing out on the tv screen.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The voice calling out her name sounded distant at first and Emma mumbled something, her mind foggy with sleep. But then it was repeated and she shot up almost immediately, blinking as she tried to remember where she was and what had happened.

 

The blanket slipped off her body and she stared at it in confusion for a moment before gazing up at a grinning Regina.

 

“Good morning, dear.”

 

“I can’t believe I fell asleep,” Emma muttered, her voice gravelly from having just woken up. She placed her arm across her eyes in a dramatic fashion and groaned. “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to crash on your couch.”

 

“It’s alright, Emma, you looked a bit too peaceful sleeping and I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. And I...presumed you had nowhere to be this morning so I decided to cover you up and let you sleep.” Her expression changed then and Emma was entranced by the way Regina’s eyes softened. “I suppose it will forever remain a mystery to me how you manage to sleep through pretty much anything.”

 

Emma snorted and sat a bit more upright.

 

“Could I ask you why you decided to stop by last evening?”

 

The question was unexpected and Emma didn’t have a response ready right away. Mostly because she didn’t have an answer to that question herself.

 

“I..don’t know,” Emma finally said after a moment of silence. “I just..felt a need to be here. I know it’s not really an answer but..”

 

“It is,” Regina said, one of her hands reaching out and covering Emma’s own that was lying on the armrest of the couch. “I wouldn’t mind if you did that more often in the future.”

 

Even as she said the words, Regina looked away from her and Emma frowned, wondering if it had something to do with how vulnerable she appeared.

 

“Hey,” Emma said softly, drawing upon courage she didn’t think she possessed in that moment to rise up from the couch. The blanket fell on the floor as she reached out and cupped Regina’s chin.

 

“Don’t do that,” Emma whispered as she caught Regina’s eyes with her own. “Don’t hide from me, please.”

 

“Emma..”

 

Her name was a breathless exhale, reminding Emma of the embrace they had shared in the park. “I don’t know if we can..” she started, her fingertips gliding upwards and framing Regina’s face. “But I want to try, Regina.” She leaned in and placed butterfly kisses across Regina’s face.

 

A shuddery breath puffed against Emma’s face and then Regina’s eyes closed and Emma pressed soothing kisses against the lids, before moving down and pressing a lingering kiss against the corner of Regina’s mouth.

 

One of Regina’s hands reached up and splayed against her cheekbone, pressing their foreheads together.

 

Emma didn’t know how long they stood like that, her throat constricted and her heart clenched painfully beneath her ribs.

 

She thought it could’ve been a minute, perhaps two, the moment eventually broken by a loud rumbling noise. A noise that came from her own stomach and Emma gave Regina a mortified look, her cheeks growing hot with embarrassment.

 

“I..uhm..”

 

“Still seem to have a healthy appetite in the mornings,” Regina finished for her.

 

“Yeah, I guess that’s my cue to leave and find some breakfast at Ruby’s,” Emma said as she placed her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

 

“I wouldn’t mind if you stayed for breakfast, Emma.” Regina turned and was already walking towards the kitchen area without waiting for her answer. “Henry’s already gone to school and I’ve had some toast but...I could make you some pancakes. Perhaps we could talk a little.”

 

“I..” Emma hesitated, but her feet were already carrying her in the same direction Regina was walking. “Yeah, sure.” She was already in the house after all and a part of her was curious what Regina wanted to talk about. Curious and a little apprehensive, though she mused that at the very least they were open with each other so far and it made her feel cautiously hopeful.

 

For a minute she studied Regina as she rummaged through various cabinets and retrieved a few things from the fridge. It was something familiar after all, something she had watched Regina do what must’ve been a hundred times before in the past. But it was also different, a thick cloying tension hanging in the air that had never been there before. And she wasn’t sure what to do about it, what to say to break the silence that hung between them.

 

Instead she moved towards a set of cabinets close to where Regina was preparing the batter for the pancakes. She grabbed two plates and two sets of utensils, despite the fact that Regina had told her she had eaten already. The brief flash in Regina’s eyes meant she noticed what Emma was doing, but she didn’t comment on it and poured some of the batter in the frying pan instead.

 

“I assume you still douse them in syrup and powdered sugar?”

 

“Yup,” Emma confirmed simply as she sat down and watched Regina flip the pancake.

 

Regina’s melodic laugh echoed around the kitchen and Emma smiled, feeling a little of the tension dissipate. Maple syrup and sugar accompanied the pancake that Regina placed on her plate and Emma wasted no time in pouring a unhealthy amount of the syrup on top of it.

 

She deftly rolled up the pancake and sliced it into pieces, spearing one and bringing it to her mouth. All the while she studied Regina’s body language as she sat down into the chair opposite of her.

 

“You wanted to talk?” Emma mumbled around another mouthful of pancake. “I do so love your pancakes,” she complimented. “You know in the past I’ve said to Ruby to ask the recipe to your pancakes, though she didn’t exactly seem amused by my suggestion.”

 

“No,” Regina chuckled, “I imagine she wasn’t.”

 

“You still didn’t answer my question.”

 

Now that she looked more closely, Emma noticed how Regina was struggling with something. Her mouth was pressed into a thin line and she kept playing with the fabric of one of the sleeves of her blouse.

 

“Regina?”

 

“Sometimes I wish I had some of your bluntness,” Regina said, a faint half smile playing around her lips.

 

Emma snorted and spread some sugar across her pancake. “If I recall right that bluntness caused me to insult you twice within the timespan of a minute on the day we met.”

 

“Hmm,” Regina hummed, steepling her fingers, “it also charmed my pants off for some reason I still can’t figure out even now.”

 

“Literally,” Emma commented smugly, waggling her eyebrows. They hadn’t even liked each other after all, and still ended up in bed together at the end of the day. And then a one night stand had become two and eventually she had lost count altogether.

 

“I…” Regina cleared her throat before looking straight at Emma and continuing. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the things we missed out on during our marriage. And I’ve been thinking that before you left for NY I wanted to at least spend some time together. Just the two of us, with no outside interruptions.”

 

“Oh,” Emma whispered. The piece of pancake speared on her fork stopped its trajectory towards her mouth and she placed it back down on her plate. “So you want to..”

 

“I was thinking of a date. Since we never really had one in the traditional sense.”

 

“I suppose we haven’t, no,” Emma said, slightly taken aback by Regina’s suggestion. “But yeah, we can do that, I think? I mean, I don’t exactly have a lot of fancy clothes with me but..”

 

“Whatever you think is suitable, will be fine Emma, no worries.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Two days time from now sound okay to you?”

 

“Uhm, yeah,” Emma could feel a little anxiety creep up on her but she swallowed it back down again. “Two days from now will be fine.”

 

Regina smiled at her and stood back up and Emma could feel her stomach drop into chest. Dates weren’t exactly her forte after all and she was already thinking of the millions of ways she would be able to screw it up.

 

“Want another pancake, dear?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” she muttered, even though she had lost her appetite.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m telling you Rubes, I’m going to fuck this up.”

 

“Em,” Ruby said firmly getting into Emma’s face as she spoke, “you just listen to me, you’re not going to fuck this up at all. You’re going to go there, relax and a have a good time. Stop worrying so much.”

 

“She’s right,” Graham slurred. He was swaying on his feet and one of the darts in his hand fell down on the floor, after which it took him an impossible amount of time to actually grab a hold of it again. “You shouldn’t...have poshible e-expectations,” he murmured, leaning against Ruby who didn’t seem too amused by his antics.

 

“Give me those, Graham,” Ruby said, wrapping her fingers around the hand that held the darts, “I bet you can’t even see the damned board anymore, let alone hit it.”

 

“Funny enough his aim actually seems to improve after getting completely hammered.”

 

“Yes, well,” Ruby replied as she shrugged off Graham’s hand clutching onto her shoulder, “forgive me for not wanting to test that theory. Though I can’t believe he’s such a lightweight.”

 

“You should take him out drinking more often, he’s a riot.”

 

“I’ll be sure to pass on that information to Belle.”

 

“Wasshthat?” Graham blinked at them both owlishly and Emma shook her head.

 

“I think we should drop him off at his place before he falls asleep on top of the bar again. Because I’m not really looking forward to carrying him anywhere, he’s a lot heavier than he looks,” Emma said as she waved a hand in front of Graham’s face, chuckling when his eyes kept rolling around in their sockets.

 

“Okay, I only had one beer myself, I’ll be fine with driving him over to his house.”

 

Emma looked on with bemusement as Ruby dumped Graham half against the bar with a roll of her eyes.

 

“Emma..” Ruby said on a serious tone that made Emma swallow thickly, “it’s just Regina, okay? You can do this and if things get too much for you, just tell her.”

 

“Yeah,” Emma said as she patted the hand that Ruby had placed on her shoulder. “You’re right about that. Sorry, it’s just we’re in a good place right now you know? I don’t want to screw that up.”

 

“Tell her, not me,” Ruby replied, her gazing imploring before she walked back over to where Graham was half slumped across the bar and talking to himself.

 

“Now let’s drive Sheriff Lightweight over here to his house.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey,” Emma greeted Regina softly as soon as the door opened.

 

“Hello dear, do come in,” Regina said, opening the door so Emma could step inside.

 

She was wearing a black strapless dress that showed off enough skin to momentarily stun Emma into silence. And Emma was barely able to stop herself from raking her eyes across Regina’s body, the embers of arousal stirring themselves into her belly.

 

Somehow she still managed to get her feet to carry her inside and the smell of freshly prepared food made Emma’s mouth water the moment she walked into the hallway. It also left her feeling slightly confused and she turned to Regina with a frown knitting her eyebrows together. “I thought you said we were going to go on a date?”

 

“My initial plan did involve going to a restaurant out of town,” Regina explained, helping Emma with her coat and draping it across a hanger. “But I thought..oh.”

 

Emma turned and felt her heartbeat accelerate, caught by the longing in the darkened eyes staring back at her. She mused the result was definitely worth the extra hour or so that Ruby had fussed over getting her hair pinned up with a few of the curls spilling out across her neck and shoulders. Especially when it seemed that Regina was unable to tear her eyes away from her, unabashedly sliding her eyes across Emma’s body before finally glancing up again with a smirk that caused Emma’s knees to go weak.

 

“I take it you approve?”

 

“I do, yes,” Regina said, her voice silky in a way that Emma hadn’t heard in a while.

 

One of Regina’s hands reached out and she slipped her fingers through some of the ringlets that touched Emma’s bare shoulders.

 

“You still clean up very nicely as well, Madam Mayor,” Emma hummed, her breathing slowing down when she felt Regina’s fingertips stroke across a sensitive patch of skin near her neck.

 

“To..” Regina cleared her throat and her eyes became unfocused as she stared out into the hallway. “To answer your earlier question, I did mention to you how I wanted to have some time alone together. Without outside interruptions. I didn’t believe a restaurant would be suitable for what I had in mind and I thought..”

 

“I’m fine with having dinner here, it’s just a little unexpected I guess.” Emma caught the faint grateful smile that Regina flashed her way and returned it easily. “But I’ll admit I wasn’t looking forward that much to sitting in a restaurant either, I can’t really explain why, I guess it’s just not my thing?”

 

“Well if I recall right the few times we did actually eat in a restaurant, it was after practically having to drag you into one.” The smile on Regina’s face grew and Emma relaxed, following after Regina into the kitchen area. “Which gave me another reason to believe it would be better to have dinner here. I was hoping it would put you more at ease.”

 

“Yeah,” Emma agreed with a nod of her head, breathing in the various scents that lingered around the kitchen. “This smells really great by the way.”

 

Regina chose that moment to bend forward across some of the pans on the stove and Emma couldn’t help but stare, wondering if her wife was doing it on purpose. It wouldn’t be the first time at least. Emma fondly recalled one particular occasion where they had a messy food fight while Regina had attempted to bake one of her famous apple pies. Which had resulted in flour being everywhere and Regina half on top of one of the counters, naked from the waist down with Emma kneeling between her legs.

 

“I’ll bring out the food, if you want you can take the bottle of wine and the glasses I placed next to it from the counter.”

 

“Uhm, yeah, sure,” Emma mumbled as she attempted to focus her attention on the present. The knowing look in Regina’s eyes and the half smirk that played around her lips made Emma’s cheeks redden and she hastily scrambled over to where the red wine was sitting on the counter. “I had almost forgotten about how evil you can be,” she called out across her shoulder after she heard Regina chuckling at her expense.

 

“I never heard any complaints,” Regina shot back.

 

“Fair enough.”

 

Emma grinned and her eyes locked with Regina’s for a second before she placed the stems of the glasses between her fingers and walked into the living room. And the grin instantly evaporated from her face again, her chest coiling with confusion and apprehension.

 

The lights in the room were dimmed and only the candles placed on the table provided any real light.

 

“Too much?”

 

Emma turned and swallowed, Regina’s eyes were soft and gentle. The flickering flames from the candles caused shadows to dance across the slopes of her face and Emma’s mouth went dry, her eyes dipping to Regina’s red lips without her consent.

 

A finely sculpted eyebrow was raised at her in question and Emma blinked, placing the wine bottle and glasses on the table as she sorted through her troubled thoughts.

 

“No, not too much. It’s beautiful.” Somewhere inside of her head however puzzle pieces slowly started to slide into place. The picture becoming clearer when Regina removed the lid from one of the pans and suddenly Emma realized what Regina was trying to do.

 

“That’s..you prepared steak, didn’t you?” her voice sounding far calmer than she felt.

 

Regina wasn’t looking at her when she answered, but Emma could detect the hints of doubt that laced her voice. “I did. I know it’s not the same, Emma, but the things you told me wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I’ve said sorry and I know it wasn’t enough. I know this,” Regina said as she gestured towards the prepared meal on the table, “also isn’t enough. But I was hoping it would be...something, perhaps.”

 

“You tried to recreate the anniversary you forgot about,” Emma whispered. Her heart seized painfully and her stomach turned itself into knots. “I don’t know what you want me to say to that, Regina.” She sat down, despite an overwhelming urge to run, her eyes firmly trained on Regina’s face.

 

“You don’t need to say anything.” Regina played with some of the vegetables she had scooped onto her plate. “But you are right, I forgot about our first anniversary and then we both missed out on our second one,” she continued softly. “I wanted to share something with you that would drown out the bad memories.”

 

“I’ve wondered, ever since we talked at the pier, if things could’ve turned out differently if I had just talked to you,” Emma murmured. “So, it’s not just you, we both made so many mistakes.”

 

“We have,” came the quiet response.

 

And Emma wanted to say more but she couldn’t find the words to describe the way she was feeling in that moment. Torn between wanting to move on past the damage they had done to each other and the feeling that they shouldn’t just yet. That it was going to take more time, more talking and being painfully honest with each other.

 

She complimented the food and sipped some wine, but didn’t actually eat as much as she normally would. And she knew Regina likely noticed. Which was why she declined the offer for a dessert and stood up from the table instead.

 

“If you don’t mind, I’m gonna head outside for a moment. I could use some fresh air,” Emma excused herself, while avoiding Regina’s eyes.

 

Though she still caught the flicker of hurt when she did glance up for a second and a pang of guilt sliced right through her. She picked up her wine glass and walked towards the backyard on auto pilot, despite the realization that she hadn’t set foot in it for over a year.

 

It was still as beautiful as she remembered it to be however. The lanterns around the yard spreading a sparse light that gave the various flower beds growing in a half circle an almost otherworldly glow. She had always marvelled at the ease with which Regina selected the various flowerbulbs. It had been something she had been meaning to ask. How Regina came by her knowledge of gardening. But by then things had started to deteriorate between them and she hadn’t really thought about it since.

 

“I suppose some things have stayed the same,” Regina’s voice rang out somewhere behind her. “You always went directly towards the flowers. I..used to watch you, enjoying the myriad of emotions displayed across your face when you walked around the garden.”

 

Emma half turned and smiled. Though it faded almost as quickly, the coiling in the pit of her stomach preventing her from enjoying the moment. “I didn’t mean to..” she started before sighing deeply.

 

“It’s alright dear, I understand. I misjudged the situation.” Regina’s voice broke halfway through and she placed the glass of wine she was holding down on the small wooden table, wrapping her arms around herself.

 

“You didn’t,” Emma tried to assure her. “I get what you were trying to do, but we’re both still hurting so much, Regina.”

 

She noticed the way Regina swallowed thickly, her eyes filled with a regret that made Emma throw caution to the wind. Because she refused to have this evening end like this. They had made so much progress already, she didn’t want to waste it all by taking so many steps backwards.

 

Placing down her own wine glass she walked up to where Regina was standing, cupping her chin gently and forcing Regina to meet her eyes.

 

“What you did tonight does mean a lot to me, but it made me think that maybe we’re both trying too hard to make this work.” Emma licked her lips, noticing how Regina’s eyes dipped instantly. “Trying to make it all perfect and..maybe I don’t need perfect. Maybe I just need..”

 

To her surprise it was Regina that closed the distance between their lips and Emma immediately surged forward, weaving her fingers through silky tresses. She moaned lowly into her throat when Regina nipped at her lower lip and she splayed her fingers across Regina’s jaw to guide their kisses.

 

And it felt so easy to fall into this that Emma knew it should scare her. Because things between them were still so new, so fragile, the thinnest of threads that wove them back together. But with every kiss that stole her breath away, with every caress of fingers across her bared skin, she couldn’t find it in herself to care anymore. She had missed this for far too long. Had longed to feel Regina’s body below her again as they writhed in the sheets.

 

“Emma…”

 

It was a question, one punctuated by a tongue flicking across the bared skin of her throat. And the only way Emma knew how to answer it was to kiss Regina again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Emma stared into the coffee sloshing around in her mug as she stirred it around with her spoon. As if it would hold the answers to the questions tumbling around in her head.

 

One of them being whether or not she should’ve stayed in bed and waited until Regina woke up. But she had been too restless, too on edge to try and catch more hours of sleep. And looking at Regina’s serenely slumbering form had only made Emma want to make love to her again. The way Regina kept pressing her naked body against Emma’s own hadn’t exactly helped with tempering her libido either and she had quietly dressed herself before heading downstairs.

 

“Good morning,” she heard coming from the doorway and she whipped her head around, not having heard Regina walk down the stairs.

 

“Hey,” she mumbled back, at a loss of words. Regina was barefoot, only clad in a light blue oversized t-shirt. One she had often worn in the past when they had a lazy day and Henry was away.

 

“I thought I smelled freshly brewed coffee.”

 

Emma smiled despite herself, some of the worry that had been eating away at her, momentarily forgotten. “Yeah, I made plenty, figured you were still a coffee monster in the morning.”  
  


“Hmm,” Regina hummed as she combed through her sleep-mussed hair. “Thank you.” One of Regina’s hands fiddled with a cabinet and retrieved an all too familiar particularly large mug, pouring coffee into it while closing her eyes in bliss.

 

“I’ll admit I was surprised when I woke up to an empty bed, you used to sleep in all the time.”

 

The question was phrased carefully while Regina stole cautious glances her way across the rim of her mug.

 

“Still do,” Emma replied, without meeting Regina’s eyes. “But I couldn’t sleep, too much on my mind I guess.”

 

“You are soon going to leave town again, aren’t you?”

 

Emma knew Regina hadn’t meant for it to sound accusatory, but still a part of her couldn’t help but bristle at the question. “You know the answer to that question, Regina. Just because we slept together last night doesn’t change the fact that I left a life over in NY that I need to get back to.”

 

“I didn’t mean to..”

 

“No,” Emma interrupted her, walking up to Regina and sliding her thumb across Regina’s jaw. “I know you didn’t, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said it like that. I realize how it must seem, since the last time..” She shook her head sadly. “But it’s not the same, alright? It’s not. But there are things I need to wrap up over there if I want to come back here again. I got an apartment over there, a job...of sorts,” she grinned wryly. “A few new friends and some questionable colleagues that likely put my face onto the back of a milk carton by now.”  
  


The lame joke got her a smile and it instantly warmed her heart, removing some of the burden that had been resting on her shoulders.

 

“But I figured I should leave this afternoon.” While she still could, Emma added silently. “After I’ve talked to Henry and said goodbye to my parents. I just hope they also realize that I’ll actually be back this time.”

 

“I’ll talk to Henry, but I suppose the only way you would be able to convince him is when you actually return.” Regina looked past her for a moment and Emma knew she was likely struggling with some doubts of her own.

 

“And you?” Emma queried as she placed the tips of her fingers below Regina’s chin.

 

“I realize the reasons behind your leaving are different but..it’s hard to shake the memories,” Regina looked right into her eyes, smiling faintly before leaning forward and brushing their lips together..

 

Emma’s eyes slipped closed and she allowed Regina to take control over the kiss. The touches were featherlight and slow, lasting only a short moment before Regina withdrew again.

 

“I will come back this time” Emma vowed as she gazed into Regina’s eyes.

 

“I know. Though, before you leave there is something I wish to show to you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I actually thought of creating a small apple orchard over there,” Regina pointed out and Emma followed her hand gestures toward a patch of ground littered with rotting wood and stones.

 

“And you also want to buy a few horses,” Emma chimed in with a soft chuckle.

 

She walked around the run-down farm and shook her head a few times, wondering if it wouldn’t be a better idea to tear the whole place down and build a new farm instead. There was actually no doubt in her mind that the money Regina had inherited from her mother would be more than enough to finance that particular plan as well.

 

Though she could tell from Regina’s excited babbling and the extensive planning she had already done of her own, that she was determined to renovate the place instead. Some of the things Regina had said had sparked a few ideas of her own. Sparked images that painted themselves across her mind in vivid colors.

 

“So what do you think?” Regina asked as soon as they had completed their tour.

 

Her eyes were bright and sparkling, but there were hints of vulnerability as she asked the question and for a moment Emma hesitated with her response, turning to look at the ramshackle structure in front of them.

 

“I think..” she finally said, her eyes flicking once more back to Regina, corners of her mouth curving up as she returned the smile of the other woman. “that, maybe we can make this work.”

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> And I completely forgot, the title is taken from Powerful by Major Lazer (Ellie Goulding & Tarrus Riley)
> 
> From the very first time we loved  
> From the very first time we touched  
> Walking on wires and power lines  
> When you put your body on top of mine
> 
> I picked the title because it reminded of how quickly Regina and Emma had moved along in their relationship in my story. Maybe a bit too quickly. I felt the walking on wires stood for a balancing act. While the power lines bit stood for the passion that sparked between them.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fanart: Cover & Illo for Walking on Wires and Power Lines](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669526) by [PinkRabbitPro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkRabbitPro/pseuds/PinkRabbitPro)




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